An Interesting Topic?

Sounds like my last post got some people to thinking about the possibility of soul mates. I choose to believe in such a thing, as that would explain to me why some people come together through all kinds of circumstances and connect. Now, you dont have to look at this topic as a religious one. I think anyone who reads this blog can understand that I have very strong, albeit open-minded beliefs. You can think of it as fate, or nature or anything you want. But it is comforting to me to believe that people come together to help one another and teach each other and that maybe those events were pre-determined by the universe. Or maybe not. And maybe its just that you happen to run into a person that you just really hit it off with and nothing else- no metaphysical mysteries. But whatever way it is, I find joy in believing that there are some who re-connect in this lifetime with souls they have known in the past. And who really knows? That is the wonder of having your own set of beliefs and opinions.

Why do we choose the paths that we do? What causes us to be passionate about certain things? Why are some called to be doctors, teachers, writers? Why are some people "bad"? What called to people like Mother Theresa and Ghandi? Who inspires the great masters to paint, and compose and invent and create? Einstein baffles us and awes us with his incredible intelligence, yet he couldn't tie his own shoes. Hmmmmm.....

Tina called and said she and the kids couldn't come out today and I have to admit that I am overjoyed because now Chip and I will have the day to ourselves and I am looking forward to getting some chores done and having some together time. Maybe we can find a good movie on tv. When the weather is good and warm and breezy, things just feel so much ceeaner and fresher. I don't feel as compelled to be in the house cleaning and scrubbing. Yesterday when Prudy and Mike and the kids were here, they dragged in all kinds of mud and grass. I will have to vacuum and mop all over again. But we all had a really good time and that's what is important. My obsessive compulsive self is being replaced slowly but surely with a laid back grandma. This is the time for adventures and fun and enjoying our lives. And on that note, I took the mustang out on the road yesterday and only stalled it out once at a stopsign. There was a car behind us and I started to panic cause I stalled, and I told Chip "I can't do this, I can't do this" and then he said "yes you can- you have been doing it" and I put it back into gear and took off and all was well. I CAN do this!! :)

Gonna go and see if Raka is online- almost time for our chat and then I have to go get gas for the lawnmowers. Enjoy your day!!

AUGHHHHHH!!!!!

Well, my friends, this has been one hell of a week. We were so incredibly busy at work that I hardly had a moment to think. Not only was it busy, but the wierdest things were happening as well. Crazy deals with all kinds of things that I have never done before. And Jon had me in tears on Thursday because of Dan. Seriously, I was thinking that it just isn't worth it to go through all the stress. But then I came to my senses. I love this job. It is challenging and exciting and I have become close to some people and don't want to leave that behind. Remember, I have posted times when it was soooo boring I thought I'd lose my mind, so I know it will ebb and flow like that. Just so there aren't too many days like yesterday! And Karen was even more swamped than me. I wish I could help her more, because not only did she have her own work to do, but Kathy dumped a big project on her right at payroll time. And I was so swamped that I couldn't help. But really, when I left, most everything was caught up and I feel a lot better about things.

Karen has become a close friend. I am so scared of trusting someone. ( The only person I have let into my heart recently is Raka, my dear friend). After all the betrayals I have endured, it is hard to really open up to someone and share your deepest thoughts with them. In Raka and Karen, I feel like I can start to trust again. It would devistate me if they were to betray that trust. On this blog no one knows me. I mean, I can share my feelings and expose myself anonomously, and nobody sees me in person. Raka knows my heart. And now Karen is getting to know me. I don't know if she likes what she sees, but I hope so. It is so nice to have friends to talk to about my life and feelings. And I love to hear about them as well.

So with the week being as busy as it had been, I haven't had much time to do anything more than fix dinner, shower and crawl into bed and read a few pages of Marley and Me. It is a really good book. I am already hooked and have only read about 20 pages. It's so nice to know that there are other people out there who feel about their dogs the way I do.

I have a poem in my heart, but it is not quite ready to come out yet. I will know when it is.

Ron Perlman has not been up to much as far as I can tell. I guess soon he will be filming Hellboy II and there will be lots of articles about that. Nothing new to add to my collection lately. I did pre-order those dvd's, but they probably won't come for quite some time. Really, I have been too tired to even think about it.

Looking forward to learning to drive my Mustang. It has been rainy and nasty for the last few days, so we haven't gone out driving. Hopefully this weekend we will, and if I get good enough, I can drive it to work next week.

I think I am coming down with something :( A lot of people at work are sick, and now I feel a scratchy throat and headache coming on. Mind over matter. I will think myself well.

Today was not so bad as yesterday, and as I was walking to my truck I looked down and found a penny. Pennies from Heaven. A sign?

Do you believe in soul mates? What is it that draws us to certain people, even if we don't know them well? Are they a part of our destinies? We encounter so many people in the course of our lives and most of them just pass by without much thought. But there are certain people you feel an affinity for, like you are meant to know them. Some are good for you, others aren't. Are they sent to us as lessons, a Karmic experience? I know that Nicole became a great learning experience for me in human nature and my own psyche. Painful as it was, I learned a valuable lesson from the bank and will carry that with me forever. We are all here to gain wisdom after all. And people like Raka and Karen and Chip and even Ron Perlman. What attracts me to them? Of course its their souls calling out to mine. Perhaps we were great friends in a past life. Perhaps we are meant to be great friends in this life. After so many years of "bad" friends, I am eager to have some real friends.

When I took up the tag a few days ago, I forgot to mention some other things I can do : Castrate a bull calf and A.I. a cow. How many people can say that? But there was only room for 7 things, so I am now listing them here.

I am hoping that the weekend is nice and relaxing. Saturday will be busy with Prudy and Mike and dealing on the van. But I hope to have some time to go out and walk the place. Last night I watched a big young buck and two does in the back yard. I mentally called out to them to stay on the place and they would be safe. No harm shall come to you here, my friends.

Well, I have been babbling on and on for a while and think its time to call it a night and relax. This has been a pretty boring post, so I will try to be more poetic next time.

Best wishes to everyone!

Adventures

The Mustang, my dream car, is now mine. It is beautiful!! Chip took me out driving last night and started my lessons on driving a stick. I have much to learn :) But it is not as hard as I thought and I am excited to continue my lessons. This birthday will be a big one for me, a milestone of sorts, and so I figure why not be adventurous and try some new things. You know, all these years I have been conservative and have played by the rules. Maybe its time to get braver and do some fun stuff. I dyed my hair for the first time ever last month, got my dream car, am learning to drive it. Now there are some other things I want to try. Does anyone know where I can go to fire walk? Looking back to a year ago, my life has improved tremendously. I still haven't become famous, or met Ron Perlman, but some of the things I want to do are quite possible.

The wind is blowing through the window here and it is cool and damp - a storm is brewing. I love nights like this. It feels so fresh and clean.

I have a wish for a friend of mine. That wish is that she win the lottery and become rich and powerful. She will buy her dream farm and follow all of her dreams and desires- including opening a shelter for the animals. If anyone deserves this, it is her.

The library called and my copy of Marley and Me came in so I picked that up tonight and am going to go now and start reading. Karen says it is a great book and will really touch my heart, so I am really excited to start it. I wish I could write like that, and touch people and make them happy.

So not much else to talk about. Maybe next post I will describe my new car. It just spoke to me when I saw it. Oh yeah, and there was a sign there, too. We wanted to check out a Taurus, and when the sales guy went to get the keys he mistakenly picked up the Mustang's keys - just as I noticed it as it beckoned to me. And once I saw it, I couldn't get it out of my mind. And when Chip drove it home for me Monday night, he rolled down the window and said "you are going to LOVE this car!" And I do.

And I love all of you, too. Blessings.

Tagged!

Ok, Raka tagged me so here it goes...

7 things that i want to do in this lifetime

1. go to a beach
2. write
3. meet Ron Perlman
4. act
5. ride a mechanical bull
6. walk on fire
7. make a difference

7 things I can do

1. ride a horse
2. spell
3. burp
4. find things
5. put all sense of pride aside ( see #3)
6. dream
7. love

7 things I can't do

1. juggle
2. chin ups
3. navigate
4. wait
5. tolerate evil people
6. climb
7. the splits

7 things that attract me to other people

1. honesty
2. intelligence
3. humor
4. empathy
5. sense of fun and adventure
6. capability
7. kindness

7 things I say most often

1. crappity dappity do
2. Ruh Ro Raggie
3. Awww crap
4. shit
5. Bull F**K
6. I love you
7. Cool!

7 people I want to take up this tag

this is hard- I don't know 7 people and Raka had already done it so in my imagination:

1. Karen
2. Ron Perlman
3. Chip
4. Yvonne
5. Pat Paone
6. Ron Waite
7. Sydney

There. Did I do ok?

Mustang Cindy!!

Oh My God! I am in love. Truly, madly, inexplicably in love. You know how I said that Prudy had now taken over the van so I am looking for a new car? Well... we went to work today to see the Grand Prix, forevermore to be referred to as the "Grand Pee". Yup, it smells like someone took a giant piss inside. So forget that one. I was not that into it in the first place, it just didn't have that spark. So on the way home we stopped at another dealers and I saw it.... my dream car. A green mustang. It was old- a '97. And it was within our price range ( what I want to spend) only problem was it is a stick. But I can be persuaded to learn to drive a stick. But the salesman didn't want to deal with us and only came down 100.00, and that was like an insult to me so we walked away. But I can't stop thinking about it.

Oh, and Bruno. He is our new little calf. Really cute and sweet and a pretty boy - all black and shiny. He has a lot of personality too. He is named in honor of another beautiful soul that touched the heart of a friend of mine, Karen.

I am really excited and wound up! Its 8:00 and I am in a much better mood. Now I know what kind of car I want and I am on a mission. I really need to go and fix us some dinner, but we ate at IHOP for lunch ( a real treat for us) and i'm still stuffed. EEEEEEEEEEEEE, a Mustang!

There is a lot more I want to say, but I think I will wait till tomorrow. Raka tagged me and I have to answer that. And I went walking in the woods today and saw the foxes. And the wind was blowing ever-so-slightly and the creek was burbling and gurgling and the sunlight was shining upon the water and making it all sparkly. Such a beautiful day! My heart is surging with joy. I must be manic depressive, one day stressed and down, the next elated and joyful. Hmmm. And Raka and Karen both commented on my last post. Thanks Guys!! Don't get overwhelmed, Karen, your garden will soon be a masterpiece to behold. I hope you guys had fun last night. And Raka, you will pass all your exams with flying colors. Oh, so much I want to say! But it simply must wait till tomorrow.

Pleasant dreams to all!

Feeling a Little Abused

Yeah, thats right. Its been one of those weeks. First, its been very busy at work. Second, I have been feeling a little out of control. Third, Prudy has the van now. Uh! I gained a few pounds back and am feeling bloated and listless. I am exhausted- physically and emotionally. The house feels like a disaster ( though in truth it is not that bad). And Prudy's and Mike's only car has now broken down and they desperately needed the van to get to work. So we are loaning them the van until their car gets fixed. I need to clean the house and go to the grocery and get to feeling things are normal. Chip hit the nail on the head when he said he knows why I am bummed out about the van. I have really taken a liking to it. And it is clean. And it is like my little, clean cocoon. I can get in the van and be in a clean place- no manure, or dogs peeing all over the carpet, or dirty shoes. It was my place. I am grieving over my van. And its true. Its like no matter how hard I try, the house just can't stay clean. I love my life, its just that sometimes I would like to be able to keep a spotlessly clean environment. I had one of those weeks like I am ready to just get in the van ( oops-not anymore) and drive. I would go to California and start my life over in a sterile environment, and become a famous actress. But alas, get your head out of your ass Cindy and stop daydreaming. I would never leave here. This is my life and my dream. There are other ways to cope. Remember how excited I was when we had to doctor the sick cows? I thrive on that kind of stuff. And really, the weather had turned again and we are opening the doors and windows and the fresh air is coming in. We can keep Kiki outside most of the time, and I can clean the carpet. It only takes an hour or so to clean the entire house on the weekend. And if I do a little each night when I get home from work, I can keep up. So there have just been some strange circumstances this week that have thrown me a little off, but I will get things back to normal. And I just need to not be so obsessed about it.

Been thinking a lot about friends lately. I am growing very fond of some people, and am afraid of getting hurt. I worry that they will lose interest in me and leave me behind. I don't mean to sound pathetic. I am pretty much a loner and really don't have lots of friends. And with my lifestyle, that works just fine. But there are a couple of special ones that I hope to continue to bond with, and hope that they feel the same.This is an issue I have grappled with many times on this blog, and one that united me with Raka in the first place. Of course Raka is one of the friends I am referring to! You knew that.

So I am looking for another car, so we can give Pru the van. I don't want to be desperate and just get any old thing. I don't want to force it. You all know I believe in fate and that the right car will come along. I must be patient. Same thing with a puppy. It I try to force the issue, it may not be the right time. And I surely want to get the right puppy- the one that's meant for us. I truly hope that it will be Brandy coming back to me. But if she's not ready yet, then that it will be someone she sends to us.

I guess I am feeling a little sorry for myself lately. OH, Poor Poor me! I need a hug :) I need some love. I need a shower. Mason toddled over to me and puked on me tonight when I went to pick up Pru and Syd. Now, as disgusted and mortified as I was, this is my grandson and I cant recoil in horror just because he chukked on me. And it was apple juice and chicken noodle soup, if anyone is interested.

So, I feel as if the entire universe has puked on me today. If anyone cares to send some love my way, it will be much appreciated. And now I am going to shower and relax. I will return tomorrow with some more blog. I have to tell you about our new calf " Bruno".

Lazy Weekend

What a lazy weekend this has been! The weather has been all gloomy- cold and rainy, so we have pretty much stayed in. Saturday started with a trip to the bank to sign some IRA paperwork, then on to the grocery ( believe it or not). Chip hates shopping, but we went to pick out a few new foods that he thought he would like to try. Really this blood glucose thing is not so bad. His numbers are going down and he says he is feeling much better. Now we just have to lose some weight and get some more exercise. All in all it can be a win/win situation. Eat healthy, lose weight, get fit, get healthy. Then we watched a movie, then had a nap.

Boy, this is going to be a boring post. Probably all of my posts are some degree of boring. When I am writing just for me, its like - hey, whatever. But now that I know people are reading this blog, I feel a bit of an obligation to them to be more interesting and entertaining. It is thrilling to know that someone actually reads what I write and has an opinion on my words. Like I have mentioned before, I have always liked to write but have been too afraid that people wouldn't like what I had to say, so have censored myself, and not pursued that venue too aggressively. Really, this blog is fun for me because I can open up and let my true feelings out. It is a journal, and a record of events and thoughts that I would like to remember. For instance, things that happen at work. On very busy days when I feel overwhelmed, I can revisit these pages and be reminded of the many days that were mind-numbingly boring. It helps me to know that I have made accomplishments, and can do those things again.

I am a big believer in "signs" and have touched on that subject many times here. Someone recently reminded me of some of the more pivotal moments that I had written about - the dimes, the lady in the grocery, the old golden. You cannot argue the fact. These are absolutely signs that someone is out there watching over us. I am not necessarily speaking on religious terms, although that is a wonderful way to view it. It is really just however you want to think of it. I truly believe that our loved ones who have passed on are out there still , haven't forgotten us.

I remember how I was searching for my purpose. Still am, really. But I am much more content with just being who I am now. As we grow older and mature, we realize that our dreams are sometimes just that. While I have always dreamed of being an actress, I know that there is a very slim chance of that happening. Oh, and to meet Ron Perlman. Well, that may happen yet someday, but then what? Sometimes the fun is in the pursuit of your dreams, not the attainment. But as I have realized, and noted in this blog, the Universe may have a different idea for me, a much better plan. Some things that are possible : to write, to help the animals, to be an advocate for the elderly, to teach. But I have to say, I am very happy and content where I am right now and am touching upon all of those things in some ways now. I am fiercely devoted to the animals. I love to show children the farm and teach them about farming and farm life. I am writing this blog. Maybe my life has more purpose than I am giving it credit for :) And I would not give up the life that I already have for anything.

I ran into my old best friend from high school, Carolyn Harmon on Friday. Now theres a lesson for you. I have run into her on occasion and have thought about her often. We were very close friends in school, then really drifted apart and on our last few meetings, Carolyn has seemed uncomfortable around me. Like maybe she really doesn't want to see me at all. Funny, cause I really used to think about her a lot and wish to get back in touch. But after Friday, I have realized that that is a chapter of my life that has closed and is best left that way. Not sure what I did for her to be so uncomfortable around me, but that is her choice. We were such good pals, but that was then - nearly 25 years ago.There are many new chapters of my life now and I can file hers away. Thats just how things are. And Raka, my beloved friend, has been dealing with kind of the same issues. Maybe she can learn through my experiences and feel better for them. There are some people that you just outgrow, no matter how much you enjoyed them in the past. But there are some who remain in your heart forever. Raka is one such person for me. Another is my old friend Ron Waite, whom I had lost contact with 25 years ago as well. Never met- just penpals ( on real paper, through the mail). I think about him often and hope that he is well and happy.

So that is my reminiscing. I am waiting for Raka to come online for our chat, but have to go here soon to help Chip pull down hay from the hayloft. Little cow had a bull calf this morning and he seems to be in good shape. And I am making "healthy" chili tonight for dinner. Last night I watched ProLife again with the directors commentary, so that was entertaining. And today I ordered the second season of Beauty and the Beast. So my Ron Perlman collection continues to grow. Hows this for a dream fantasy: to meet Ron Perlman and get to do a movie with him on a beach? That would wrap up a lot of my dreams at once.

May all of your dreams come true.

Happy Birthday Ron Perlman

Today is Ron's birthday and I hope he is really enjoying it.Ron has brought so much entertainment to his fans lives, and he deserves the very best in life. Perhaps this weekend I will be able to squeeze in a little Ron-a-thon in his honor :) Oh yeah! I'm crazy.

Today at work Eric came in and said I had a bunch of antifreeze under my van, so I got it in service and now we have a new water pump. Oh boy. And Harry invited us to share his donuts again ( he buys them every Friday) so I told Karen that I thought we should do something for him. She agreed. So I bought a card and we all signed it for him. He seemed really pleased about it and I hope it made him feel good. He's such a nice guy.

And I ran into Carolyn, my old friend from high school, at the card shop when I was picking up the card. Now, is that wierd?? Another sign? Seems like there are all kinds of signs going on. Well, I try to be a good person and do good things for others, and lately things have been a little rough for me, so maybe things are looking up again. Nothing as bad as last year, of course. I am so much more centered and happy now.

Even if the weather is bad this weekend, I would like to go for a walk. I think I am gaining some of those pounds back, and need to get them off pronto. Oh well. I can't wait for the great weather to come back and the flowers to start to bloom again. Just have to vacuum and do some other housekeeping and stuff, so then I can relax and enjoy the weekend. After this week, I need a break. It really wasn't all that bad, but stressful enough to get to me a little. Thank God I have Raka, Karen and the girls at work to talk to. And Chip. They really make me feel better. I am really looking forward to chatting with Raka Sunday. I feel like getting my chores done, and then being lazy all weekend. It's supposed to snow again!

I think I am going to look through the diabetes books we got from the library and make up a menu and grocery list. That way I will be all organized and able to get some great healthy meals on the table for Chip. So, I really should quit rambling and get some stuff done so I can relax this weekend.

Love to all and Happy Birthday Ronnie!

Under Pressure

Quite a day it has been today. What with fighting with the doctors office to get my billing papers filled out correctly and all the other stressors in my world. Mom and Dad need to get moving and sell their house. Prudy and Mike need a van and a house. The animals are so demanding and needy. The weather sucks. Need I say more? I feel as if I am spinning out of control at times. One good thing... my friends at work. They are being really sweet and supportive. And of course Chip is on my side. I told Karen today that I feel like just getting in the car and driving and not looking back. Aughhhhh! But this too shall pass. The weather will change and we will be able to go out and walk the place and dig in the earth. That will certainly calm my soul. Nothing is better than walking in the woods, amongst the cows, alone with nature.There, I am in my element. It is just me and nature- the wind, grass and trees. Alone with my thoughts. The pureness of it all lightens my heart, and soon I will be back to normal.

Still struggling with the puppy thing, but Karen is helping me through it. She understands exactly how I feel. It is amazing. I felt bad today because I had absolutely nothing to do and Karen was swamped, and I really couldn't help her. Then when she did get some work that I could help her with, Kathy asked me to do a project. The only thing I hate more than having too much to do is having nothing to do.

Been thinking a lot about Raka lately. I miss our daily e-mails, but our weekly live chats are really fun. And we keep up with each others lives through our blogs. Strangely, Chip and I were talking about getting a small daybed for the office and if we do that then there would be a place for Raka to stay if she came to visit. Wouldn't that be great? I think it is so amazing that we have become so close, and yet are thousands of miles away, and from different cultures and generations. We can learn so much from one another. And I feel so protective of her, my little sister, my friend. I desire only the best for her in life. A wonderful education, terrific relationships, fantastic adventures. I thank God every day that I had the courage to put a comment on her blog that day, and that she answered it. It is hard to believe that I actually reached out and took that chance, considering my shyness and the scars of the past.But I am so glad I did, because in Raka I have found a true soul mate.

I have another idea for a book! I will have to write it down in my notebook. Now if only I can find some time to write. Karen has given me some great material to work with. And I kind of think that if I could ask any two people for their opinions, that Karen and Raka would be the ones I want to share my work with. Its like this blog. It is so personal, but I am putting it out there for anyone to read. When I write, I am terrified that people will not enjoy my work, will ridicule me. But my writing is really for myself, and anyone who happens upon it and enjoys it is just a bonus. I would love to write my stories and try to get them published, but lack the confidence to get them out there. Ah, well. Just like everything else, if it is meant to be, it will be.I think I have been pushing myself too much lately, and need to just sit back and relax and let things come to me.

Tomorrow is Ron Perlman's birthday. Happy Birthday Ron!! I wish you health, happiness and much success in the coming year. May you be surrounded by friends and loved ones and have all the things you desire.

I am looking at a picture of Brandy laying in the back yard. It is a polaroid, and the way the sun was shining, the grass looks all golden - the same color as her. Ah, my golden girl in fields of gold.Someday, old friend, someday....

will my heart ever heal?
Will I ever be able to love another?
not in the same way, ever
but in some other?

will you send me a sign?
let me know you're allright
show me that our special bond
still holds us tight

but you go ahead
go along on your journey
follow your path
but dont ever forget me

we'll meet again somewhere, someday
of this, I'm sure and bold
and together we will run again
upon the fields of gold

To all my new friends, and the special old ones. God bless you all.

A Week From Hell

Ok, maybe that is a little too dramatic, but really it was quite the stressful and eventful week. First of all, Monday was my first end-of-month by myself. Well, all the week before I had prepared - got all the extra little stuff done and all my deals completed. Then I sat and sat on Friday looking for work, and nothing. So the weekend was wonderful. 80 degrees, breezy sunny and absolutely beautiful and EVERYONE decided it was the day to get a new car! So I get in and there are lots of deals and they were all funky. Nothing was easy and straightforward. There were trades and payoffs and credit life and all kinds of crap. So Kathy helped me and costed two or three deals for me and then she posted them all for me, which freed me up to do the other stuff like the inventories and stuff. I stayed until 8:00, so I put in over 12 hours without a break. We ate lunch in and Kathy bought dinner since we were staying. And the next day I tidied up all the loose ends and that was that. All in all it was not too very bad. They all said I did a great job and Sally suggested they get me a t-shirt that said "I survived the March Month End". So a note to remember: it was hard and I had to work late, but it was not that hard. There were some extra things that I didn't have to do that Kathy did, but every month I will get better and faster and it will become more routine and I will be able to get more done faster and with less stress. So There!! And the rest of the week I sat like an idiot with my thumb up my butt looking for stuff to do because we sold NO cars at all. So I helped Karen do some things and got some files in order and stuff like that. I really need to continue to refer to these notes when I start to feel overwhelmed about work. I will get better and faster and more confident and all.

So a couple of late nights and the two of the cows decided to get sick. Both Hannah and Ring-eye got really sick and we decided it was grass tetany. They had a lot of the symptoms and I was pretty sure that it was that. What it is is a deficiency of magnesium in their systems due to nursing calves and the new fresh spring grass. The new grass has not had a chance to build up its mag content and the cows were depleting their systems too drastically. We got a couple of tubes of mag gel in them but the next day they were still no better. So I called the vet to be sure we were right and he said he thought we were and to keep giving them the mag gel but to do it orally. So we went down and gave them another dose. Well, Hannah was fairly sweet and didn't put up too much of a fuss and went into the headgate and I decided to check her throat to be sure there were no obstructions. I put my hand in there ( dumb move Cindy) and she tossed her head and my hand got caught between her back teeth and she chomped down and ground my hand hard. I thought it was possibly broken but I was lucky. She just broke the skin and really bruised my joints. Lesson learned. Then Ring-eye decided she wanted to kill me and she charged me and kept ramming at me. So Chip thought he could go in and sweet talk her and she plowed into him and sent him flying. Thank God we were not hurt. So I became the bait ( she hates me more than Chip and besides I am smaller and faster) and I teased her into chasing me into the chute. It took a while but she finally got mad enough to run me all the way in and we caught her in the headgate and gave her her meds.

This continued through the rest of the week and yesterday I discovered that if I got a halter on her, she gave up and let me pull her into the chute. So we did that. Last night, she went down in the chute and we couldn't get her up and we figured that she was probably going to expire there and we'd have to get the tractor and pull her out. But right when we said that, she got herself up and walked off into the pasture. So she is out loose now but Hannah is still in a stall in the barn. But Hannah seems to be responding well to her meds and will probably be ok. We walked out this morning to look for Ring thinking she would be dead, and there she was, her usual nasty bitchy self walking aroung the rest of the herd. So maybe she will get better too.

I dyed my hair for the first time ever today ! Karen and Yvonne took me out and picked out a color for me, and I got brave enough to try it today. Not bad. Just a darker version of what I used to be when I was younger.

Last weekend I was feeling really blue about Brandy and a new puppy and was really having a hard time of it. On Monday Karen asked me if I had decided I really did want a puppy and I told her about how I felt and she said we could talk about it after Month End was done. So Tuesday she was asking me all kinds of questions about Brandy and while it made me sad, it also made me feel a lot better too. It is so nice to have a new friend like Karen, who has the same feelings that I do. We have lots of fun talking about the dogs and the farm.

Speaking of friends, I missed talking with Raka last week. We got to talk on Saturday, but on Sunday she was visiting someone and couldn't talk. And today I have to go take care of cows, so I don't now that we will get together today either. But if you read this, Raka, I am thinking about you and can't wait to talk with you!

Haven't had much time to think about Ron Perlman this week. I have been absolutely exhausted from work and chasing crazy cows around. Not to mention getting beat up by those crazy cows and I am so sore I can hardly move. Ron's birthday is Friday, and I didn't send him a card this year. He probably gets so many anyway. I would like to send him something special, something memorable so he would say " hey, that's really nice!" but since he doesn't answer his mail, I would never know if he got it anyway. I guess I would just like to know that I was able to touch his heart a little bit , like he touches ours.

So I have rambled on quite long today and am getting a bit of a headache. Going to go take some aspirin and wash up the breakfast dishes, and spruce up the rest of the house so I can take it easy the rest of the day. Oh, by the way, HAPPY EASTER!!

Super Granny!!

Yesterday Mike, Prudy and the kids came over and we got to spend some quality time together.First, it was such a dreary day and Chip and I were exhausted so we weren't really looking forward to company. But when they got there the whole day brightened up. Sydney got to ride Shadow for a few minutes and we played on the gravel pile, which Sydney loved tremendously. She would climb up it and then find an interesting ( and sometimes undignified) way to run down it, and I had to follow her exactly. What a hoot! They were all laughing at us. The funniest way was running down while kicking your butt and flapping your arms. Ok, but you try that on a pile of gravel! I am quite dexterous, if you ask me. And how many other grandmas do you know of who would do that? Then we played dress up again with items out of my "special" drawer. Yes, I really do have a pair of bunny ears.

And we talked about the puppy thing again. I am so confused. I guess the best thing is not to push it and wait. When the time is right the puppy will come. I am just battling with this whole Brandy thing. I want to fill that hole in my heart with another golden, but nothing will ever replace Brandy. So I don't know if I feel guilty about getting a puppy or not. No one will ever take her place, and she will always be a part of my soul. I guess I really need to just sit back and let her come to me when she is ready.

Its a beautiful day and we saw a turkey in the back yard this morning. I hope she has a nest somewhere close and will be hatching some chicks soon. That would be neat to have some wild turkeys here again. I think I am going to take a hike in the woods and look for some antlers and stuff. The house cleaning can wait till later.