Better times ahead

Today is the last day of February, and , I am determined, the last day of "Hell". The weather is supposed to get better, the sun is going to shine and it will be warmer. The calf we were bottle feeding has died. How totally dehumanizing to have struggled to keep her alive, and to lose her. But I will not dwell on the negatives. This is the end of a long, hard, cold winter. Today is a new beginning. We are well, strong, healthy, loved, happy, prosperous, and successful. No looking back, only forward.
And with that, I am exhausted. Time to go and read and relax. Tomorrow is a new and wonderful day.

Blessings All

Hell-o

It feels like its been quite a while since I have blogged. Things have been so busy and I just haven't been able to summon the energy to do much more than check email and The Perlman Pages, then off to cook, clean, feed the cows and to bed. Spring has to come soon. Plus, I thought that I was sick in 2006. Well, I was coming close to it here in '08. Today for some reason, I feel better and a lot more energetic, and less depressed. I guess now if I work through my issues at work I will be in pretty good shape if I can keep it up. Just keep it up, Cin. I want to try some yoga and see if that helps.

Karen is having some problems at Northgate too. Seems like things have gotten worse since I have gone and are now coming to a head. But Karen is strong and she can ride this out for as long as she needs to. I wish we lived closer and could see each other more often. She called me Friday night and I was pretty depressed and as soon as we started talking, I felt much better. It feels so good to be needed.

Yesterday was an AWFUL day. Chip had discovered a dead calf in the pasture on Friday and we knew we had to deal with it Saturday, but we werent prepared for what we found when we got there. I walked out to look at the body and the cow was acting really weird so I followed her into the shed where there was another dead calf. Holy crap. So we figured twins. Then we heard some bawling and there was another newborn calf, looking for her mother. So we got them all in the barn and did a head count. Michaela was the live calfs mother so we got them into a stall, but Micky had no milk and baby was hungry. Katie was missing, so I went looking for her while Chip fed. I found her in the woods with another dead newborn calf! Ok, something is very wrong here. These were all full term calfs, big and fully formed looking. So three dead, one live. I was afraid to even hope this one would survive. But we got some colostorum and bottle fed her last night and bedded her down. And miracle of miracles, she was on her feet and bawling up a storm this morning. Chip got her to drink nearly a whole bottle and she was trying to nurse on her mother. She was batting at her bag and sucking at her legs, so she is getting the idea. Now Micky just needs to let her milk down and feed that girl herself.

So we are doing ok for now and hopefully for good. My spirits have lifted and I think I will actually do some stretches today.

So time to go and get this day started. Now lets hope that I can work out this stupid block I have about work, and start ignoring the bad and enjoying the good. Mind over matter...if you don't mind, it don't matter.

Blessings to all.

Whoops!

This was a much better week all around. The weather was warmer, we even had some thunderstorms. And even though the flu is still raging, I am not getting as sick as I was the first time. ( this is the third time in 2 months I have had it to some degree). Everyone at work just keeps passing it from one to the other.

Speaking of work, I went to lunch with Gina on Friday. Usually I just hang out in the visiting Judges chambers and eat and read, but Gina asked if I wanted to go to the diner so I said sure. We were sitting there and chatting and I told her that I had got in trouble at work and she wanted to know all about it so I was giving her the facts. You know, how I was trying to show initiative since I wasnt being trained and was feeling pressure to get up to speed and pull my own weight. Told her that my personality dictates that I do my very best and contribute and want to be recognized as a good employee and valued, blah blah blah. So anyway, she was unbelieving that ( you know who ) would actually get mad at me and berate me for trying to learn and move ahead. I told her that it broke my heart because I was not trying to step on anyones toes, or break any rules or policies, or anything like that, just wanted to do my job. I would never deliberately do anything I knew was wrong. And that it ruined my whole weekend last week. And it was funny, because before I told her I scanned the resturaunt to be sure (you know who) was not in there. So just as I was finishing my story and Gina was giving me the required amount of sympathy and support for my actions, the people in the booth behind us got up and I realized it was Judge Kessler sitting there the whole time! Yikes! Good damn thing that I didnt name any names or say anything bad or negative. Gulp! "Hi Judge!" Gina and I got a good laugh about that.

And really not much is new. I got this book from the library about finding out who you can trust and who you cant in work and life, and it looked really interesting. I havent really gotten much into it yet, just a few pages, but it really got me to thinking. I honestly dont trust anyone I work with now. I mean, not that they are bad people or anything, but they just dont give me that feeling like I can tell them a secret and know it will stay secret. And I have to carefully watch what I say because I have seen other people talking about stuff and it not being kept in confidence. I hate when you are in that position because then you feel like they might think you are the one who told. I am trying to stay out of those conversations because they always bite you in the butt. And sometimes you just need to blow off some steam. But I have already been in trouble for mentioning that I was frustrated that I didnt know how to do things. It got all turned around like I was complaining that I wasnt getting trained and was shooting down my boss. Which was not the case at all. I was just saying that I wanted to be able to help out more and felt like I wasnt doing my share. But it got blown out of context. So Now I am afraid to say much of anything. Back to being a loner. But Karen is really the only person I can talk to and trust. I know she wont ever betray me ( I hope not ). Sometimes it scares me that I feel so close to her because I am afraid she doesnt feel the same way. Especially since we dont work together every day. But, I feel how I feel and it is a good and honest feeling.

I clicked with Raka in much the same way, but sadly, we have drifted apart. She was someone I could confide in as well. But our busy lives got in between, and harsh words widened the gap. I guess what I am trying to say is that even though we have had a parting ( I truly believe it was a misunderstanding on both our parts) I will always love and remember her as a special friend. She is in my thoughts often and I speak of her often as well to people I know who I have shared our friendship with and still ask "so how is your friend from India?" So Raka, if you see this, know how much you mean to me and always will.

There. My two special friends.

So, Chip just came in and asked me to bake him a chocolate cake. Sure cure for the flu, dont you think?

Love to all
Harm ye none

RIP Ruth and Clara

Two good cows,, thats what you were. Ruth, you were the first calf I ever watched get born, and you were the sweetest most loving cow we have ever had. As I stood over your body and said my goodbyes and gave the traditional "revolving door" speech, it occured to me that I needed to tell you more than that. My life has been blessed with a once in a lifetime dog, and now also, a once in a lifetime cow. You were a good friend. God Speed on your journey. Clara, you were the oldest cow ever, and yet every year, when we felt that surely you would never have another calf at your age, you surprised us. Three times with twins!!!! Yes, certainly you deserve the award for most productive cow ever. We had decided to retire you and let you live out your days on the farm with your friends and family, yet you continued to reward us. You were well worth the extra grain that we snuck you as treats. And I am so glad we put you out into the barnyard this winter with your calf so you could eat all the hay you wanted and sleep in the warm barn every night. Thank you, dear friend.

So to both of you, may you find yourselves in a great green field with the finest lushest most delicious grasses, sweetest water flowing through the most beautiful creek, and all of your departed friends and family welcoming you home. And someday we will meet again.


Thank God for friends. Karen sent me the most hilarious email and it just hit the right spot. I must have done something right to have been blessed with her friendship.

Work was absolutely horrible today and I have to admit that I am unhappy right now and struggling with these feelings. This is a good job with great benefits and I cannot allow someone to run me out. And I am most dissappointed in my reactions to this person and how I have allowed her to upset me. I need to be stronger and not take things so seriously and personally. People do things for their own reasons. How, oh how, can I get over this and stop fearing getting in trouble and being so emotional?

Well, Karma. And a voodoo doll here and there couldn't hurt.