Whoops!

This was a much better week all around. The weather was warmer, we even had some thunderstorms. And even though the flu is still raging, I am not getting as sick as I was the first time. ( this is the third time in 2 months I have had it to some degree). Everyone at work just keeps passing it from one to the other.

Speaking of work, I went to lunch with Gina on Friday. Usually I just hang out in the visiting Judges chambers and eat and read, but Gina asked if I wanted to go to the diner so I said sure. We were sitting there and chatting and I told her that I had got in trouble at work and she wanted to know all about it so I was giving her the facts. You know, how I was trying to show initiative since I wasnt being trained and was feeling pressure to get up to speed and pull my own weight. Told her that my personality dictates that I do my very best and contribute and want to be recognized as a good employee and valued, blah blah blah. So anyway, she was unbelieving that ( you know who ) would actually get mad at me and berate me for trying to learn and move ahead. I told her that it broke my heart because I was not trying to step on anyones toes, or break any rules or policies, or anything like that, just wanted to do my job. I would never deliberately do anything I knew was wrong. And that it ruined my whole weekend last week. And it was funny, because before I told her I scanned the resturaunt to be sure (you know who) was not in there. So just as I was finishing my story and Gina was giving me the required amount of sympathy and support for my actions, the people in the booth behind us got up and I realized it was Judge Kessler sitting there the whole time! Yikes! Good damn thing that I didnt name any names or say anything bad or negative. Gulp! "Hi Judge!" Gina and I got a good laugh about that.

And really not much is new. I got this book from the library about finding out who you can trust and who you cant in work and life, and it looked really interesting. I havent really gotten much into it yet, just a few pages, but it really got me to thinking. I honestly dont trust anyone I work with now. I mean, not that they are bad people or anything, but they just dont give me that feeling like I can tell them a secret and know it will stay secret. And I have to carefully watch what I say because I have seen other people talking about stuff and it not being kept in confidence. I hate when you are in that position because then you feel like they might think you are the one who told. I am trying to stay out of those conversations because they always bite you in the butt. And sometimes you just need to blow off some steam. But I have already been in trouble for mentioning that I was frustrated that I didnt know how to do things. It got all turned around like I was complaining that I wasnt getting trained and was shooting down my boss. Which was not the case at all. I was just saying that I wanted to be able to help out more and felt like I wasnt doing my share. But it got blown out of context. So Now I am afraid to say much of anything. Back to being a loner. But Karen is really the only person I can talk to and trust. I know she wont ever betray me ( I hope not ). Sometimes it scares me that I feel so close to her because I am afraid she doesnt feel the same way. Especially since we dont work together every day. But, I feel how I feel and it is a good and honest feeling.

I clicked with Raka in much the same way, but sadly, we have drifted apart. She was someone I could confide in as well. But our busy lives got in between, and harsh words widened the gap. I guess what I am trying to say is that even though we have had a parting ( I truly believe it was a misunderstanding on both our parts) I will always love and remember her as a special friend. She is in my thoughts often and I speak of her often as well to people I know who I have shared our friendship with and still ask "so how is your friend from India?" So Raka, if you see this, know how much you mean to me and always will.

There. My two special friends.

So, Chip just came in and asked me to bake him a chocolate cake. Sure cure for the flu, dont you think?

Love to all
Harm ye none