Have I Found My Calling?

I don't know, but my heart is racing with joy. I haven't felt so good in a long time and my soul is singing. Here's the story. Sunday, some guys came out to cut firewood. Chip was ecstatic because there were three young, strong guys and they were really cleaning the place up. They also gave him beer. So he spent the afternoon driving the tractor, pulling felled trees out of the woods and into the pasture so the guys could cut them up. Later that evening, the one guy went home and brought his little girl and boy out, and they were dying to see the horses. Chip and I had left to have dinner, and the kids got there while we were gone. So when we got back, this sweet little girl and boy were begging to see the horses. My opportunity! I took them out to pet the horses and then remembered that I had a bridle in the truck. We went to get the bridle and I put the kids on Shadow and led them around. They were SOOO excited. And they are great kids, too. Very polite and sweet. I know I made their day, and they made mine too. It felt really good to be able to give something of myself that I love so much, to others.

Then last night, the kids came back, hoping I would be there. Chip went down and they were there and asked him if I was coming down. So he came home and told me and we went back down so I could give them a ride again. I think they had even more fun that time. They were more confident and were very happy. We spent a couple of hours riding until it was time for them to go home, and I asked them to come back today. Well, these kids seem to be really liking this and looking forward to riding, and it reminds me of me 30 years ago. Before they got into the car to leave, Shawna ran over and hugged me. Touched my heart!!

So now I am feeling great. My soul feels like it is doing some good. Again, I am not finding a cure for cancer, but I am bringing some joy to a couple of little kids, and sharing a part of myself in the process. I remember being that age and wanting so badly to be close to a horse. And someone was kind enough to open their world to me, which started my whole horse thing. And if it weren't for the horses, I never would have met Chip. So, you see, everything IS connected. Fate. I feel like maybe I am doing something good for these kids. Maybe they will grow bored with it and quit. Maybe it will be the beginning of a lifelong love, like with me. I don't know, But I am doing what my soul tells me is a good thing. I feel so worthwile.

So there you go. Maybe I am heading toward that path I have been searching for for so long. Bringing happinness to others really makes me feel good. And it makes them feel good, too. Blessings.

Fun on The Farm

Pru, Syd, and Mason came to visit last Saturday. They left daddy at home to sleep. Sydney declared that she was going to ride ALL of the horses today. So of course what our little girl wants, our little girl gets!

Here is a picture of Syd on Shadow.

Even Rusty the big red beaver got in on the action. Even I got in on the action. I got up on Russ, but didn't ride since 1. he's nuts 2. he's still lame It would be nice to ride again. Syd and I rode Shadow together for a bit, but the bridle I had at the house did not really fit him and I was worried that he would act up. He did ok, though.

So a good time was had by all and the horses didn't even have to work that hard.

Fame...Sort Of

Can't believe it has been a week since I have last posted. I haven't really been busy or anything either. I have been cleaning up the house and yard a little, you know, organizing the pantry and stuff like that. ( I am one of those creepy people who alphabetizes their canned goods and lines everything up just so).

I went to school the other day to visit. Tish and Jessica seemed pleased to see me and when someone asked Jess who I was, she said I am their friend . I MISS you guys!! But I got to show off my Master certificate and all these people were milling around and asking me questions( " was it hard?" "Wow! How did you do it?" etc. ) and it made me feel kind of like a celebrity. !! So I got to give a little advice. Tish and Jess are going to take Powerpoint next week and I told them they will do fine. That was the easiest test of all, and the most fun. I also told Barb, one of the teachers, that I would love to be their assistant. They really could use the help. Sue was out that day so Barb had both classes . When I got there, everyone had paper plates on their desks. They had drawn on the paper plates so they looked like the face of a clock, with all the numbers on , and then put a different classmates name next to each time. If at that particular time of the day you had a question, instead of asking the teacher, you had to check your "Plate clock" and whoevers name was on that time, you had to ask them the question and try to get them to help you. Ok, is this the first grade people?? And what about all the tuition being paid - for another student to help you? Maybe I can get a job out of this.

I have been increasingly bored laely. It has gotten cold and rainy the last couple of days and I have mostly just done work in the house.

Ron Perlman - Got three new items this week. A French magazine with an article on Ron. I had to get a book from the library to help me translate it, and that was interesting. A mens magazine with an article in it. The season 2 Tracey Takes On DVD. I love Tracey Ullman!! I think I already talked about this in a previous post. So as always, my collection just keeps growing.

We sold the old baler tonight. Tomorrow we are going to get the new one. Wheee, We have spent so much money this year.

I am hoping to find a really great job that I will enjoy and do well at and be appreciated. Hopefully it will enable me to help others in some way. Of course, I am still seeking my souls purpose. I am feeling a lot better now though and have lots more energy. I think I have gained back a lot of the weight I had lost over the summer when I was sick. I guess thats the way it works when you feel good enough to eat. Now I will have to exercise.

Well, I have Rambled for a while now so I guess its time to go. Numb3rs is on soon. 'Night Ronny, 'Night all.....

Ron Perlman Stuff

Have a few new Ron Perlman items coming. A couple of old magazine articles, and the dvd of Tracey Takes On... the second season. Really looking forward to seeing that. Ron is in an episode, which is why I bought the dvd, but I love Tracey Ullman. Yes, a few more things to add to my ever growing collection. Ron should be so proud.

I also love Gidget, the Sally Field one. I remember the summer I graduated, I would watch Gidget every day at 10:00. That show made me feel so happy and carefree. Probably because I was carefree. One of the happy memories from my childhood. That was the summer that I broke Rusty, and I spent most of my time riding him ( translate: trying to stay on him). Ah, yes, my crazy, crazy horse. More than 20 years later, still crazy. Been together a long time, old friend.

Now it is time to go back to work. I want to find a job that is fun and satisfying, and has good benefits and pay. Not asking for too much am I ?? Will my new job be tied into my life purpose? That would be nice, but I know that you don't have to have your job and your life purpose be the same. I like to help people and animals. I am an empath. That is something that can be used no matter what I do for a living.

Yesterday I was feeling nostalgic and went through a box of old photos and papers and found a school paper I wrote a bazillion years ago. In it I stated that I had always wanted to act. I almost cried when I read it. No doubt, a lifelong dream that I never pursued. It keeps coming up, and I keep saying that it is a dream that I recently put away as impossible. It hurt too much to keep longing for something that I know I cannot have. But there, again, was proof that it has been a part of my dreams for almost forever. Well, if you keep forcing yourself on me I guess I will have to at least keep an open mind about your possibilities.

Now that I am getting ready to look for a job, the old nightmare of "the bank" is trying to creep into my mind. I cannot let that bad experience jade me. All places are not like that, and I can't let that fear hold me back. I must overcome this blockage, and forge ahead to my next life adventure. Every thing we experience is a life lesson. I need to learn from this one. Learn about myself as well as other people. I am just trying to gain wisdom. Wayne Dyer said " When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."

Now this is appropriate - My Name is Earl just came on. I am going to go watch it. Blessings and happiness to all.

I AM A MASTER!!

Well, I did it! Took the Powerpoint test today and passed!! Gotta love it. My last test and now I am officially a Master in Microsoft. What a long, hard road. Powerpoint was actually the easiest of all the tests I took. I guess its true, saved the best for last. Now off to find a job to use these new skills.

That's funny... the city called me Friday for an interview. After all this time and now they call. The position is for custodian. I made sure that declining the interview would not knock me off the list, and then politely declined. I explained about how I was interested in an administrative position, and my schooling, and the secretary agreed with me. Chip also agrees. I have come too far to not look for something that suits me.

We saw the evil Cristy at Home Depot Sunday. Don't know if she saw me but I felt it unwise to acknowledge her anyway. I didn't think seeing her would bother me, but it did just a little. She was the one who started the whole thing at the bank ( her and Nicky). And she did get herself fired over it. But no one apologized to me. It brought back some more painful memories. But get over it already!! They did me wrong, and karma will take care of that. I have my own karma to attend to. I am reading this great book ( for the second time) by Carmen Harra called Everyday Karma. I'm hoping , as always, that it will help me to find my purpose.

Ron Perlman was at the TIFF last weekend. They screened his new movie The Last Winter last night. I cannot wait to see it. Would that not be a great reward for my getting my Master Certification - go see Ron Perlman in action. Actually, I have been rewarding myself all along the way with RP stuff from ebay.

Well. Dr. Phil is coming on now so I am off to do some more soul searching.

An Interesting Summer?

What did I learn this summer? I certainly feel like I wasted it. The days flew by and I really did not accomplish much. I need to remember that I was sick most of the summer and had no energy to do anything. But, that is all behind me now and I can chalk it all up to another learning experience. Now it is time to move on and start enjoying! Having such a terrible drought was so hard on all of us and now that fall is here the relief is absolutely palpable.

Something I think is interesting... Watched this movie called "The Quiet Earth" and it was really neat. All the people just disappeared, except for one scientist. He roamed the city and went into whichever house he wanted to, whatever stores. When I was a little girl I always had this daydream about something like that. I would be alone and could go into everyone's house and look at all their stuff. They stole my daydream!!

Ron Perlman - nothing new to report except that I purchased a few new items. A Beauty and the Beast book, and a Quest for Fire pressbook. Oh, and a couple of magazines with Hellboy articles. I am still working on my database of all the publications featuring Ron. It is quite fun. I am at my best when I am organizing and categorizing things. I wish "The Last Winter" would come out soon. Really looking forward to it. And now I am off to do some chores and study for my Powerpoint test.

Moving Day For Mom and Dad

My mom and dad moved in down the street officially today. Gads! Time to break out the prozac.
I got the furniture all arranged for them and cleaned it up real good so they can just settle in tonight and rest. They are pretty well beat, and I am exhausted as well. So now we have neighbors. I know my dad appreciates what we are doing for them, cause he keeps saying nice things to me. And believe me, the man has never said a nice word to me in my life. Ah, 'tis no wonder I am such a lost soul.

Speaking of souls, I still haven't gotten any further on my quest for purpose. My heart still cries out for guidance, and I am waiting patiently for that small voice to tell me I am on the right path.We are all here for a reason. Of course the main reasons are to Love and to gain wisdom.

When I look back on my life, I realize that I have learned a lot. Most of it in the last 15 years or so. Though my heart longs for adventure, perhaps my best use is here. But NOW is when I feel the need to do things that had previously terrified me. Look, I left a job to go back to school and not only loved it but did extremely well. I never thought I was smart enough to compete, but I can hold my own quite nicely. I got the top score on the civil service exam . I broke the horses myself. Those are all adventures in their own way. Being an actress is something I have ALWAYS dreamed of, but never pursued, and what an adventure that would be. But my life and my love is here, on this farm.

But there is something else calling out to me as well. It is too faint yet for me to hear. But it is there. Work with the elderly? Write? Work with underpriveledged kids? Be an advocate for animals, at an animal shelter? I pray that my calling turns up the volume. I'm listening.