Feeling a Little Abused

Yeah, thats right. Its been one of those weeks. First, its been very busy at work. Second, I have been feeling a little out of control. Third, Prudy has the van now. Uh! I gained a few pounds back and am feeling bloated and listless. I am exhausted- physically and emotionally. The house feels like a disaster ( though in truth it is not that bad). And Prudy's and Mike's only car has now broken down and they desperately needed the van to get to work. So we are loaning them the van until their car gets fixed. I need to clean the house and go to the grocery and get to feeling things are normal. Chip hit the nail on the head when he said he knows why I am bummed out about the van. I have really taken a liking to it. And it is clean. And it is like my little, clean cocoon. I can get in the van and be in a clean place- no manure, or dogs peeing all over the carpet, or dirty shoes. It was my place. I am grieving over my van. And its true. Its like no matter how hard I try, the house just can't stay clean. I love my life, its just that sometimes I would like to be able to keep a spotlessly clean environment. I had one of those weeks like I am ready to just get in the van ( oops-not anymore) and drive. I would go to California and start my life over in a sterile environment, and become a famous actress. But alas, get your head out of your ass Cindy and stop daydreaming. I would never leave here. This is my life and my dream. There are other ways to cope. Remember how excited I was when we had to doctor the sick cows? I thrive on that kind of stuff. And really, the weather had turned again and we are opening the doors and windows and the fresh air is coming in. We can keep Kiki outside most of the time, and I can clean the carpet. It only takes an hour or so to clean the entire house on the weekend. And if I do a little each night when I get home from work, I can keep up. So there have just been some strange circumstances this week that have thrown me a little off, but I will get things back to normal. And I just need to not be so obsessed about it.

Been thinking a lot about friends lately. I am growing very fond of some people, and am afraid of getting hurt. I worry that they will lose interest in me and leave me behind. I don't mean to sound pathetic. I am pretty much a loner and really don't have lots of friends. And with my lifestyle, that works just fine. But there are a couple of special ones that I hope to continue to bond with, and hope that they feel the same.This is an issue I have grappled with many times on this blog, and one that united me with Raka in the first place. Of course Raka is one of the friends I am referring to! You knew that.

So I am looking for another car, so we can give Pru the van. I don't want to be desperate and just get any old thing. I don't want to force it. You all know I believe in fate and that the right car will come along. I must be patient. Same thing with a puppy. It I try to force the issue, it may not be the right time. And I surely want to get the right puppy- the one that's meant for us. I truly hope that it will be Brandy coming back to me. But if she's not ready yet, then that it will be someone she sends to us.

I guess I am feeling a little sorry for myself lately. OH, Poor Poor me! I need a hug :) I need some love. I need a shower. Mason toddled over to me and puked on me tonight when I went to pick up Pru and Syd. Now, as disgusted and mortified as I was, this is my grandson and I cant recoil in horror just because he chukked on me. And it was apple juice and chicken noodle soup, if anyone is interested.

So, I feel as if the entire universe has puked on me today. If anyone cares to send some love my way, it will be much appreciated. And now I am going to shower and relax. I will return tomorrow with some more blog. I have to tell you about our new calf " Bruno".