A New Job!!

Well, finally I got a job today! It sounds like a lot of fun (and work) and I am excited. Now I won't feel so guilty when I spend money on Ron Perlman stuff. I have high hopes for this one. After the last one, I deserve a break. Oh, but I wasn't gonna talk about that anymore, was I?

The snow is coming and we are getting the barn ready for the horses so they can have shelter. Now if they can just behave themselves inside and not tear the barn down. Chip is getting a lot done on the barn, and I am keeping it pretty clean forkfull by forkfull. I estimate that I pitch a minimum of 1 ton of poop a day. I should be super buff by now. See, I get my exercise, don't have to pay a gym, and get the barns clean all in one. Now that's multitasking.

Ruthie is about ready to have her baby and we think it may be twins. She is as big as a house, literally 4 feet from side to side. She has to wedge herself through the doorway. I guess thats where the term "fat cow" came from.

Nothing else to really talk about. I will probably have lots to say Monday after my first day on the new job. I really hope this all works out well. Keep your fingers crossed.

I have read a few interesting books lately and Raka suggested another one the other day, Five Point Someone. I ordered it and the library called today to say it is in.

I feel very calm and peaceful. I will miss the freedom that I had to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, to watch Ellen and all the judge shows. But I was really lonely and bored most of the time and this way I will be making money. And I can do all my errands on my lunch hour, so I shouldn't get too stressed out or behind. And I can use my lunch to write sometimes too. Just please God let this be a really good job and let me do well and really like it.

I am really tired and the talking heads shows are done so I think I will go sit on the couch with Chip and watch some tv. Oh! Ron Perlman is doing the Disneyland commercials! I have to try and tape them, even though its just his voice. Cool.

Peace to all

A New Job!!

Well, finally I got a job today! It sounds like a lot of fun (and work) and I am excited. Now I won't feel so guilty when I spend money on Ron Perlman stuff. I have high hopes for this one. After the last one, I deserve a break. Oh, but I wasn't gonna talk about that anymore, was I?

The snow is coming and we are getting the barn ready for the horses so they can have shelter. Now if they can just behave themselves inside and not tear the barn down. Chip is getting a lot done on the barn, and I am keeping it pretty clean forkfull by forkfull. I estimate that I pitch a minimum of 1 ton of poop a day. I should be super buff by now. See, I get my exercise, don't have to pay a gym, and get the barns clean all in one. Now that's multitasking.

Ruthie is about ready to have her baby and we think it may be twins. She is as big as a house, literally 4 feet from side to side. She has to wedge herself through the doorway. I guess thats where the term "fat cow" came from.

Nothing else to really talk about. I will probably have lots to say Monday after my first day on the new job. I really hope this all works out well. Keep your fingers crossed.

I have read a few interesting books lately and Raka suggested another one the other day, Five Point Someone. I ordered it and the library called today to say it is in.

I feel very calm and peaceful. I will miss the freedom that I had to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, to watch Ellen and all the judge shows. But I was really lonely and bored most of the time and this way I will be making money. And I can do all my errands on my lunch hour, so I shouldn't get too stressed out or behind. And I can use my lunch to write sometimes too. Just please God let this be a really good job and let me do well and really like it.

I am really tired and the talking heads shows are done so I think I will go sit on the couch with Chip and watch some tv. Oh! Ron Perlman is doing the Disneyland commercials! I have to try and tape them, even though its just his voice. Cool.

Peace to all

A New Me

It has been a few days since I have been able to blog. I have the time now because Chip is watching his "talking heads" shows , and I can't stand them. A lot of interesting things (to me) have happened this week, mostly in the way of random acts of kindness. Strangely, the other day I was standing in line at the deli and a woman came up and struck up a conversation with me. I felt compelled to mention the farm and she said "oh, my god! We have a farm too!" She asked me about raising cattle and other stuff because they just got the land and are thinking about what to do on it. She said she really wants cows. So we chatted for a few minutes and wished each other luck and I left feeling very happy with myself. I had made a connection with another person, however brief, and it felt real good. Seems like my "signs" are all appearing at the grocery store.

Then, I went to rent some videos and the video stores system had deleted a bunch of peoples accounts. They also changed the terms and pricing and I wasn't too happy, so I was just going to leave and switch to another store when the manager said he would let me take the movies for free if I would just think about not leaving them. I told him he saved a customer. I also told him I was a customer service consultant, and asked if I could use his name in an article I was going to write. That made him happy.

Raka had recommended a book called the Alchemist. I got it and read it in one sitting-didn't even put it down, it was that good. Well, it had real meaning to me. Raka has been a real blessing to me. In just two weeks, I feel like I have known her forever (maybe I have). I am learning about her country so I can know her better. For her age she is such a wise person, and her heart is as big as the sky. I eagerly await her e-mails and pictures and feel like I have found a missing piece of my being in her.

On Monday my parents terrified me when they did not come home when I thought they should. My dad had to get his arm declotted and then go for dialysis and mom said she would call me to come and get them if it got dark out. Also, the last time he got declotted he ended up in the hospital due to complications and so I was really concerned that something had gone wrong. When they did not call and still weren't home by 9:30 I started to call the hospitals thinking they were in a ditch somewhere. Then she calls about 10:00 like nothing is wrong and I let her have it. She owes me a hair coloring for all the grey hairs she gave me. The parents have become the child.

I have applied for a job at an animal clinic. We have gone to the second step and now I am waiting to see if they call me. I'm unsure if I really want to work near the animals for fear that I will become too attached. For instance, I could not work at a shelter because I would have to bring them all home. I decided I didn't want to be a vet because I couldn't stand to lose them. I just keep remembering Dr. Frederick standing there looking helpless with tears streaming down his cheeks because he couldn't save Champ for me, and that is when I decided that I could not go through that for a living. Oh, how I want to help them and save them, but I fear that I am too sensitive and it would destroy the part of me that loves them so much. So anyway, this job would be as office manager, so I wouldn't have contact with the animals, and it is a spay and neuter clinic, so that is not too bad. But god help us all if anyone should try to give away puppies there! After all, I am waiting for Brandy to return.

Pat e-mailed me the other day and said she liked my story about Josiah. I hope she really meant it because I had so much fun writing it. It makes me feel good to know that someone else can get joy out of it too. The writing thing just keeps jumping back in there, but for now I feel very calm and centered about it and am taking it slowly (not like the acting thing!!). I need to read up on the art of writing and get some sense of what I want to do before I actually get started. I do not want to burn out like I did with acting.

What is my purpose?? Well, this year I feel that much closer to the answer. There is no silent desperation here at present, like I am slowly moving along the correct path after my near year-long detour. And anyway, its all about the journey, isn't it? Some of the path is hard, but I have learned a great deal about myself along the way. When you look at it that way, even the bumps I had to encounter weren't so bad after all.

Some things I would love to do:

Be a personal organizer
Write short stories and magazine articles
Teach finances to people
Work with the elderly

I would say also work with horses, say, as a professional rider. Chip got to live his dream doing that. He worked for a famous movie producer and director as farm manager. But that was his dream. I will have to find something else.

Getting late, best leave my ramblings and go do something else. Y'all come back now, hear?

Quiet Couple of Days

Nothing much has happened the last two days. Spent most of the time getting income taxes ready and re-doing Quicken. Should be all set now and much more organized than in years past. I guess my schooling really did pay off. Before that and I would have been terrified to try to clean up my Quicken files. Maybe I should look into doing taxes for people this year. I don't really want to go back to work for H&R Block, but maybe I could make a couple of bucks doing private income taxes.

Mom called today and said my Dad's graft was clotted and the dialysis clinic was looking to send him to the hospital for surgery. After several hours, they were unable to find a hospital that could take him right away, so his surgeon decided that it could wait until Monday. They think he will be fine without dialysis for the weekend and he has enough circulation in his arm that there is no danger there. I worry about him. He does not like to admit that he is older now and not as strong as he used to be. And they don't like to ask for help so I have to just sneak in there and do whatever it is they need done. He cracks me up. He was amazed that I lost weight, and actually complimented me on it. My God, I haven't heard him say anything nice about me in forever! Then my mom started talking about all my grey hairs. Ah, there are the parents I remember.

Raka recommended a book, the Alchemest and I ordered it from the library today. Can't wait to read it, she says it is really good. She didn't mail me today so I hope all is well with her. In such a short time I have become very fond of my new friend. She has much to teach me and hopefully I can also help her in some way. You all know I believe in fate and karma, and I feel like Raka is a gift in my life.

I have officially decided to , and have, put the bank behind me. I might have mentioned this in an earlier post, but I feel a great peace about it now. It was two years ago next week that "the evil ones" did their dirty deeds to me, and I can honestly say that I have come to terms with it. It was a most unpleasant experience, and things were never the same for me there, but had it not happened I would not have left to go back to school and my life would not be the way it is today. Not that the last year was easy or anything. Anyone who read this blog knows it was a very hard year for me, with struggles with illness, and self confidence. But I am here and things are much better. Anyway, I feel that quiet peaceful feeling when I think about the bank now. I'm over it.

Something is calling to me. It is very soft right now and I can't quite make it out, but I know it is there. There are several possibilities and I am going to stay open to them all and let things come to me. Instead of the desperate empty feeling I had when I was determined to become an actor, I am filled with a calm reassurance that my purpose is being revealed. Maybe more than one. I am becoming unstuck, and grounded. When it stops raining I may go and walk the place and see if I get any ideas.

Ron was in Afuro Samari last night but I did not see it as we do not have cable tv. I will wait for the dvd to come out. Also still need to get 5ive Girls. And of course I have pre-ordered Beauty and the Beast season one.

Looking forward to planning and planting Brandy's garden this year. It will be all pink again, of course. I would like to really pack it with flowers this year, since Brodie got in it last year and ate all the plants. It will be a wonderful tribute to my "once in a lifetime dog". It's been almost a year, Bran. I miss you old friend.

Their youthful years have slipped away
The old man and his dog.
They have a special bonding
That needs no dialogue.

The chase is just a memory,
But how they used to run
When hearts and legs were stronger
And games were such great fun.

Now the pace is slower
For the master and his mate.
If one lags too far behind
The other stops to wait.

Some things we cannot change
Like aging and the weather,
But true friends are quite content
Just growing old together.

C. David Hay

To all a good night.

Meatballs

Today I have been making meatballs all morning. I just had to run and get them out of the oven and I swear I almost set the oven on fire! First, I am using a new recipe, Have never made meatballs before. Now I have to stick them in the crock pot and pour the sauce over them and just let them simmer all day. I love the crock pot 'cause you can just "set it and forget it" ( my thanks to Ron Popiel for that quote). How boring is this?? Meatballs, I am talking about meatballs!

Have to get going today and drop off some resumes at the post office and get some calf feed. Then I think I will come home and read a little. Tried to read "Crime and Punishment" but just couldn't get through it. Too dark. So now I am going to read "Tess of the D'Urbervilles". "Emma" was very entertaining and lighthearted and that is the kind of book I like to read.

The rain has stopped for a while and hopefully it will be dry enough to get the tractor out to put hay out. The mud by the hay rings is about 2 1/2 feet deep now. In order to move the rings tonight, I am going to have to wade out and hook a rope to them, and tie it to the bale spear so Chip can pull them out and into a dry spot. Yes, I actually will be swimming in mud. Such dedication! I deserve a raise. Well, really I need a job.

This post is boring even me. I think I will go and do my chores and maybe come back to this later. Wish me luck on the meatballs.

A Great Start

Well, the new year is upon us and I must say that today has been a pretty good day. I was determined to leave all the crap behind and to move ahead in a positive way, and all is going well. I have always been an optimist anyway - the glass is always half full, every cloud has its silver lining etc. But it did seem to be a harrrrd year last year. No More!! Got to sleep late and woke feeling refreshed. Chip and I had a great conversation. We went shopping for some supplies to make a shelter for the horses ( Chip is worried about them being out in the weather as old as they are ) and we got the animals all fed and happy for the day. I feel refreshed and optimistic!

One thing that I had forgotten was school and how I got done in just two semesters and then went on my own and got all the rest of my certifications. That was quite an accomplishment, you know. And here I was thinking I was too old and dumb to go back to school.

Making friends. I have made a new friend who is becoming very special to me. ( you know who you are ) I mentioned her yesterday, and am mentioning her again today. All of a sudden I feel as if there is someone out there who understands me, and has the same feelings. I've been thinking... the post a few days ago, when I mentioned how I was feeling so down and then found the dime and the stranger was so kind to me and how I feel that they were "angels", and a sign that all is going to be ok... well, Raka, you are also an angel. Sometimes "the Universe" sends things your way just when you need them, and that makes them more precious than ever.

Got to ride Shadow for a few minutes on Saturday. He was really good. The kids wanted to try a saddle, so we put one on him and rode a bit. For such an old man, he still gives a good ride. My legs are still killing me. Golly, I used to ride every day for at least three hours no problem, and now just 10 minutes has me hobbling around.

New Year. Hmmmm. It feels good. Perhaps I will find my soul purpose this year. Maybe, just maybe, I have discovered it already. Kind of like a tiny piece of treasure poking out of the ground, I am digging away at an idea and maybe will uncover the "mother lode". I will certainly keep you posted as to my findings.

There are also a few job postings in the paper that I am going to look into. One is in the courthouse in Hamilton. That would be sweet. What is meant to be, will be. I have complete faith that when the right job comes along, it will find me. I was looking too hard for a job that was my soul purpose, but have realized that it can be something else besides a job. A job can provide you with a sense of purpose and a way to pay the bills, but a soul purpose can be something altogether different. If the two are one in the same, all the better. But it can be that the job pays your bills and makes it financially possible for you to support your purpose. Ah, I am rambling.

Ron Perlman. Nothing new to report here. The season 1 Beauty and the Beast dvd will be out next month. And supposedly Two Soldiers will be released then as well. We shall see. Other than that, Ron has been laying low as usual, working. Still looking forward to The Last Winter being released. I love a good ghost story, and if Ron is in it... well, what can I say?

And that is about it for today. Time to fix some dinner and settle in for the evening. I feel there is much to be thankful for tonight. I hope everyone has had such a wonderful day today.

Cheers!