Saturday

Today is a little chilly and looks like it is going to rain. Prudy and the kids are coming over later this afternoon so I have to spruce up the house a bit for company. I just feel very lazy today and don't have much energy or drive to do anything. But must get over that, 'cause the carpet needs a good cleaning. Last Saturday I spent hours on my hands and knees washing the kitchen floor. How I love a nice clean house! Thing is, it only stays clean for , like, 30 seconds. Then its like a bomb went off. The dogs shed, the cats bring in all manner of little animals ( or parts of them) that they have captured, and I'm pretty sure there is a skunk trying to move in on the patio. So I must get off my bottom and get to work.

Today is the end of the month for work. So Monday I will possibly have to kick butt. But I have been preparing all week and I will just see how it goes. I was so bad yesterday ... Harry got donuts and I had a chocolate custard filled one and TWO Mountain Dew's. Then Chip met me for brunch and we had the breakfast bar at Frisch's. I feel all fat and bloated. Must work it off this weekend.

Got a packet of clippings of Ron Perlman from e-bay. Some things I didn't have, so that was exciting. And I finally ordered the bookshelf. I came Wednesday and I put it together and now I have to fill it and arrange everything. I am waiting till I feel more inclined to do it.

Karen has been on me now to get a new puppy since Chip mentioned he was thinking about surprising me with one for my birthday. I really do want one so badly, but don't want one either. I don't know. I am so confused. I think it is best to just not push it and let whatever is meant to be happen. When the time is right, the puppy will find me. I don't need to go looking.

Actually, I feel a little down today for some reason. Must be the dreary weather after having so many beautiful days this week. I am sure that a good house cleaning will remedy that. And there is the dvd of Beauty and the Beast to watch if all else fails. And when Syd gets here I will be kept quite busy, I'm sure.

Had a dream about Ron Perlman the other day. It was really neat. They were filming a movie on the farm and I got to meet him and became his friend. Just exactly what I dream about in my waking hours. My hero. Besides Chip, I mean.

Well, I best get to cleaning. And planting some seeds maybe.

Things I Love

Feeling very content and grateful at the moment. The weather is wonderful! A beautiful spring day. The window in the office is open, with the sun shining in and the breeze blowing the curtains lightly. The birds are singing their praises to the, it is a cacophony of songs. I can hear the electric fence clicking - " click, click, click" rythmically, and the cows are all laying in the new, lush green grass right outside my window. ( well, 20 feet from it anyway). There is that uplifted feeling one gets on days like this- the promise of fresh, new life. Ahhhhh.

So here are some things that I love and am grateful for:

Chip
Raka, my new friend and confidant
My other friends and family
Ron Perlman
Pat Paone ( who brings Ron to us through her fantastic website, The Perlman Pages)
The Farm
All Creatures Great and Small
A job well done
Good Books
Warm sun, cool breezes, singing birds
baby animals
planting gardens, and tending them lovingly
nice surprises
acts of kindness
works of art
art in work
learning and realizing it as a learning experience
accomplishments

And on and on I could go. What a difference from last year. I'm Back, baby!

One day at a time, I will keep up with the house and gardens. I will try to throw away at least one piece of junk each week. ( I hate clutter and the shed out back is falling down and its time to start getting rid of the old stuff that has collected there over the years, like old mowers and equipment that no longer work).

But it is such a beautiful day, and as much as I enjoy blogging, I am being called to go out and dig in the earth for a while. I hope everyone who reads this is having as wonderful a day.

Quiet Week

It was a really quiet week at work this week. Stephanie and Kathy were on vacation and Pete only freaked out once, on Monday. Actually he has been really nice to me. He asked me to get some information about how sales tax is computed in other states and I researched it and pulled up some stuff and he seemed to like it. Phew!! I think he was impressed. We didn't sell too much all week, then today, bam! the deals were flying out the door. Wouldn't you know it. But I am not worried. I can do a deal in about 20 minutes now, not too shabby. So, just like this week, next week I will have all week to get caught up, even though its the end of the month. I am not really too concerned. I feel much more confident now. Like I said before, remember this when I am busy and know that I CAN do it, and do it well, too.

Missed my chat with Raka on Sunday, but was so glad I got to talk to her on Saturday. She is like a wonderful drug that I can't get enough of. I feel so happy and good after talking with her. I hope she will be able to get with me this weekend. Every day I think about her and wonder what she is up to. Does she think about me? , is she happy?, is she visiting friends or Samik? It is so much fun to have a friend in another country.

Picked up my copy of Masters Of Horror Pro Life yesterday!! Can't wait to see it. And it sounds like season 2 of Beauty and the Beast will be out in July. Wheee. More Ron Perlman. And I just ordered some clippings off of EBAY. It is just that I have been getting home late each night and by the time I get in, fix dinner, and clean up, I am ready for a shower and bed. So I haven't had a lot of time to watch movies, or check out the net.

The other day we were discussing dogs and I said that I didn't know if we should get a new dog, or go dogless for a while after Whitey and Kiki leave us. Chip informed me that he was very seriously considering getting me a Golden Retriever puppy for my birthday. I about melted! So we talked about it just a bit and then I let it drop. If he wants to get me a puppy, then I am all for it , but if we decide not to, that's ok too. I am just not sure how I feel. Part of me wants so badly to hold a little ball of fluff again. But part of me keeps thinking about Brandy and feeling a little guilty about a new puppy. I know it would never take her place, she was my once in a lifetime dog. And is it ok to give my heart to another? She will always be the special one in my heart, and I know she would not mind me loving another dog, but still... What would you do?

I think I will stop right there and go get a shower. Tomorrow is a new day, and I hope to get the house spotless and then relax a bit. Maybe watch some Ron Perlman...

Night all!

Just Stuff

Isn't this something? I have actually been able to blog three days in a row. Not that anything of much interest has happened since the last update, but here I am anyway :) Got to see the new baby for the first time and he is really nice. A big bull calf with a funky blaze in his face. Its more like a star with writing on it, really wierd. Kind of like Brodies "W". I miss Brodie. I wonder what he is up to now. It is really neat when an animal becomes a friend. You know, I was talking to Raka about dreams yesterday, and some of them I have given up on, but so many have come true for me. I am living the life that I have always wanted, on a farm with nature all around me. Sure its hard at times. Lots of physical work, dirt, heat drought, snow, ice, flooding, mud, poop...but it is an honor to be granted guardian of this little patch of earth and the creatures we share it with. The foxes have moved back in under the henhouse (yes, really) and should soon be having their kits. I need to cover the well with some chicken wire so they don't fall in there. Last year three of them fell in and drowned. So sad. So this year I will try to keep them safe. It is so much fun to watch the babies frolic around the barnyard, just like puppies.

I am going out later to walk the fence. Deer must have run through it and knocked it down so I'll have to get it back up before the cows start going out and grazing. Hopefully the grass will be growing soon.

Need to get Brandy's garden going soon as it gets warm enough. I have to find some really pretty pink flowers and bushes for her.

I don't want to think too much about all of the things that I would like to do this Spring, because I don't really have a lot of time to create lush gardens and a paradise around the house. I will just take things one small project at a time and keep up that way. My routine is to keep up on the stuff that is already here ( housekeeping, plants etc) and slowly add new projects a little at a time. Chip commented that I have become a "house girl" recently and I have to agree. I need to come home from work and go outside and walk each evening when it gets warm enough, instead of sitting down and reading or watching tv. Working takes up so much of the day, but if I keep up with my chores, I can add a little "me time" to the mix and enjoy my gardening and other projects. Small steps. Last year I didn't feel like gardening, but this year I am getting the bug to get started and have already planted a few zinnias and forget me nots in some pots on the patio. It is still too early for veggies and stuff, but I already have the seeds so maybe I can use my heated seed starter and get a few going for early planting. Can't wait to get some fresh homegrown tomatoes and peppers. And we have plenty of manure for fertilizer.

Have been diligently studying for my Notary test. That is another thing I will acomplish here soon. If I look inside my life, I may not have become some famous author or actor or politician or businesswoman, but I have experienced a lot of things that make me special in my own right. And I can become a writer, maybe not published, but the things I write in my notebook and blog belong to me, and I can fantasize and act out dreams with my grandgirl Sydney, thats being an actress. So there.

So my goals are to keep up with my chores and allow myself some time every day to relax and commune with nature and exercise. I'll let you know how that works out.

Raka and Me

Yay! I just got to chat with Raka today. What a great surprise. I just thought I would sign on for a quick check of my e-mail ( and Ron Perlman on Ebay) and surprise! Raka was there. I was hoping she had replied to my mail, and she did me one better. So we had a nice long chat. I had really been missing her quite a bit. She is quite a good writer, very talented. And I get so much enjoyment out of speaking with her, and reading her work. Like all of us, she has choices to make about her future - her hopes and dreams. But she has lots of time to make the right decisions. I hope that all of her dreams come true. She was very supportive of my dream today when I shared it with her. It gives me hope that maybe I will accomplish that dream someday. I have accomplished a lot in my life already, maybe not the things that other people would be impressed by, but I am proud of them.

Funny, I am getting ready to go out and feed the animals. It is cold and windy again, not at all like last weekend when it was so pretty out. So we are going to do our bidness and then come in and take hot showers and watch a movie. Yay again!! I love those kind of days, all snuggly and cozy together.

Raka said she has never ridden a horse but wants to. Now I just have to get her here to Ohio and show her the bliss that is riding. And maybe when we get rich and famous, I can travel to India to visit her. I bet she would really like to ride Shadow. I think he would get along well with her. More dreams to dream!

I spent the morning cleaning and the house is all clean and nice so I can relax this weekend and enjoy myself. I think we are going out for dinner tonight, or at least picking something up from somewhere.

Raka, dear, if you read this I want you to know how much you mean to me and how important you are. You are a wonderful, talented and beautiful person.

And now I must go attend to business.

See ya!

A Good Week

This week was not bad by most standards. The first part of the week the weather was positively balmy and we were able to open the windows and the patio door and let the fresh air in. The pond thawed out and I discovered that at least one of the fish survived the freeze. Soon the grass will begin to grow and with that the flowers and trees will start to bloom. The bucks should be losing their antlers soon too, so maybe I will find a nice one this year. That is another thing that I remember finding that seemed like a sign from above. I was walking in the pasture and something made me focus my attention on a tree and a white object caught my eye and I walked over and found a huge antler. I mean, something told me to look over there. And when Nix was born, something told me to go walking through the woods ( not my normal path to the barn) and there he was, abandoned and starving. Had I not gone the opposite of the way I normally did, he would have perished and no one would have known any better. So I am really looking forward to the Spring and nice weather. And the cows now are more self sufficient. As soon as the grass begins to grow we can start taking some nights off from the farm.
I also got the two bull calves banded on Sunday, so we had no bulls left, and then of course Katie went and had a bull calf on Wednesday night. But they are both well and he is a really pretty calf.

Work is going well. It was my first week on my own, with Yvonne in her new job in the service department across the building from me. I only had a few questions for her, and Monday and Tuesday were not so daunting as I was afraid. I got all caught up and had some extra time to clean up some schedules and do some extra things. I hope that I will be efficient enough for the end of the month tasks. But I am sure that Yvonne will help me out if I have any questions. Sally said some mean things to Karen ( sweet Karen) and so the next time she said something mean I stood up for Karen. That did the trick and Sally has been very nice to me since, and Karen too I think. I have to be careful cause I feel like I may be gaining some weight back, since there is always some kind of goody in the office. Today was donughts, cup cakes and cookies for St Patricks day. I only had one donught and nothing else so I was good. But I am losing weight and feeling so good that I don't want to gain any. I have been looking damn good in my jeans ( and out of them ) . Lets keep it that way.

Raka and I mailed each other. She was pretty perturbed that I said I was afraid she had lost interest in me. Truly, I have faith in our friendship and know that she is not that kind of person, nor am I. No matter how busy we may get, I believe that we are always in each others hearts and thoughts. I wish we lived close by and could get together and hang out, but alas, we are half a world apart. It really amazes me that we came upon each other. I just happened upon her blog and was sucked in entirely with her beautiful words and thoughts. She seemed so much like...ME! And when I took a chance and commented to her, she answered and we became friends. I do not take his lightly, you know. It is another of those events that I believe was meant to be. All of the best things in my life have happened by chance. Meeting Chip, Getting Brandy, so many others.

The book I am reading had begun to get pretty intense and technical. Deepak Chopra has gone into the physics aspect of the afterlife and matter and energy. Very deep stuff. I am fascinated by physics and especially metaphysics, even though the theorys are so far above my comprehension. But anyone who reads this blog knows that I am this way.

Getting late and I am getting a sore back from hunching over the keyboard. Pro Life comes out on Tuesday and I am going to pick up a copy as soon as I can. I hope there are some good extras with Ron Perlman in them. There were some interviews with Ron on the internet this week too.

So all in all not a bad week. Lots of Ron, Good days at work, a loving husband, and a beautiful and beloved friend named Raka.

Love to all...

Ramblings

Strange, I sit all day thinking of all of these brilliant things to say in my blog, and then when I actually get here my mind goes blank. I should write these things down. Watched The Sixth Sense on tv last night and this was the first time I saw it in its entirety. It reminded me of the dream I had about Brandy. Yes, I totally believe that she was communicating with me that night. Now, some people do not share those beliefs, and that is perfectly fine with me. We are all entitled to our opinions, and mine happens to be that there is something for us "after". Maybe I am totally wrong. But what exactly does it hurt for me to feel this way? More importantly, Who does it hurt? No one. I find great comfort in my feelings and beliefs, and the wonder and beauty of it all is that I have an open mind and embrace all kinds of new thoughts and ideas. I believe in soul mates. I believe in karma. People have done some very heinous things to me in the recent past, and I have only just come to forgive them. I realize that it was a learning experience for me and that I have grown because of it. Perhaps I was paying off some past karma of my own. I hate to think that I have intentionally caused hurt and pain to someone else. But anyway, I am striving for enlightenment. There are a lot of things I still need to work on:

My need for approval
indeciveness
lack of self confidence in certain situations
self critical - give yourself some credit!
too empathetic sometimes
gullible - need to be more cynical sometimes
obsessive
need to become less concerned with the opinions of others and be myself
dont take things so seriously and personally
stress less about things - put too much importance on things that don't deserve the thought

Well, I could go on and on, but I am not that masochistic. At least I want to improve myself :)

And with that, I believe I am going to go and vacuum the carpet.

The Week In Review

We create our own reality. How true this is. The book I am reading by Deepak Chopra is extremely interesting and entertaining. I find myself reading the same paragraphs over and over and finding new meaning each time. It is one of those books that you have a hard time getting through because there is so much to absorb, and you stop and think to yourself what the message is that you are receiving from each sentence. He is stating some ideas that I had not thought of before, about peoples perceptions of heaven and hell and the afterlife. We experience whatever it is that we expect to experience.

And that takes me to my next subject- work. Again I was anxious to get to work on Monday and get caught up from the weekend, only to discover that there was no work on my desk. They don't start to turn in the deals from the weekend until later Monday afternoon, when the approvals come from the banks. So why get all worked up on Sunday night, worried about a pile of work that doesn't exist? Yes, the beginning of the week is usually busy from the weekend sales and stuff, but as the week goes on, the work slows down. So really, I have the whole week to get caught up and start over again. And besides, I am getting better and faster and more confident in my work, so that speeds things up quite a bit. Thursday Yvonne took the day off and there were some new things in the deals that I had not experienced yet. I felt overwhelmed and in tears at one point. I told the girls, "girls, I am going to freak out here." and they gave me lots of support and Karen kept saying " if you cry, you'll pee your pants" which just made me laugh. Anyway, after I calmed down and worked on it, I found the task to be quite easy. And Friday Yvonne took off as well, and the day went swimmingly. I got a lot done, about six deals and some extra stuff too. So, I CAN do this. And like I have said before, I don't need to stress out about this. I have pleanty of time throughout the week to get everything done. Remember this, Cin. You create your own reality.

We bought a van last Friday. It was a trade in and they put a lot of money into it to get it in top shape. We got a great deal on it. So now I am looking more like a soccer mom in my bright purple mini van. I miss my truck ( we kept it of course, but I have driven the van all week to work) but the savings in gas are astronomical. I filled the van up on Saturday, to take it home. It cost 42.00 to fill it up and I have driven it all week and have only used a little more than a half tank. Conversely, the truck would have taken 100.00 or more. So now I am driving the "grapemobile"as Chip calls it.

Spring is right around the corner. Yesterday was around 60 degrees and when I got home I opened the windows and doors to air out the house a bit. Being trapped in the closed up house all winter with two elderly and very gassy dogs has been torturous! When it gets warm enough, I will get out the carpet cleaner and really clean the family room carpet.

Ron Perlman: He is set to do a couple more movies, I Sell the Dead and Standing Down. Then he starts on Hellboy II !!!!! Can't wait to see that on the big screen. He was at the premiere of 300 and did a video interview, which for some reason I can't get the entire thing downloaded. Pro Life should be released soon and of course I have to get that. I picked up Scooby Doo- Wheres My Mummy on Thursday as a little gift for myself. But Ron has so much new stuff going on that my collection just keeps growing. I lent Hellboy, and The Trial of Old Drum to Karen so she could experience the awesomeness that is Ron Perlman.

So that's about all I have to say for now. It was raining today and we are still in the house, which is fine with me. I am a little tired and sleepy and would like nothing better than to curl up with my book and read a while, and maybe watch some Beauty and the Beast, which I have yet to view. And cookies. And tea. Rum and coke?? It all sounds so good. I also need to study for my notary. Usually I love to study, but lately I have been burned out from learning new things.

The pond is beginning to thaw, and I know that the fish didn't survive the winter. Shame. The winter started out so mild and nice that I didn't bring them in from outside. But the pond froze quick when we got all those ice storms. Sorry guys. I will clean out the pond this Spring and get it ready for a new crop of fishies.

Rake mailed me!! I was so worried about her since we didn't get to have our Sunday chat and I hadn't heard from her all week. I was really afraid that I had done something to offend her, or that she had decided that I was a nut case or something :) But lo and behold, she mailed me and I feel so much better. I really enjoy my friends at work, who I see every day and are really funny and sweet. But I connect with Raka on a level that I cannot explain. We are continents apart, but it is the same sky we peer up at each evening. It is the same Sun that shines on us all.

Funny how I have changed my outlook over the past few months. I have given up on some old dreams, but will never forget them. My soul feels more still, as if it is content for now. I will never become an actress. I will never work with Ron Perlman. I may never become a published writer. But fantasies are not a bad thing. It is just that my world has become full of reality now. And the reality that I have created is good.

Whatta Week

What a week this has been! This whole end-of-month, first-of-month thing at work is really harrowing. Now that it is over and I am looking back on it it really wasn't too awfully bad, and this was just my first month at work. So the better I get, the faster I will get and the easier everything will be. Note to self: look back at this when next month end rolls around and I start to get freaked out. Everything got done and it really wasnt too very hard. You can do this.

The new twins both died. Last Saturday I noticed the one baby was real lethargic and I knew something was wrong. We got some medicated milk in her and I snuggled up with her in the hay and she got some sleep. When we left for the day we bedded her down good but she was gone the next morning. The other baby seemed to be doing well, but started to act sluggish on Wednesday night and on Thursday she was gone too. Heartbreaking, I tell you. Well, they'll be back around.

Am looking forward to my weekly "date" with Raka. We have such fun conversations. Now that I am working, I have little time for the internet. I get home, fix dinner, clean up and get ready for the next day and start all over again. But I am having such a good time. Nothing like the bank.....

I would like to relax a little this weekend. I have been keeping up with the housework, so all I have to do is vacuum and mop the floors ( living on a farm, that is a daily thing). After we get done with the farm chores I would like to settle in on the couch and watch some Beauty and the Beast. I haven't got a good Ron Perlman fix in a while, and hey, I deserve it. Also have my Deepak Chopra book to read and some magazines. Like I said in a previous post, I am feeling really "nesty" and can't wait for spring so we can air out the house and start living outside in the sunroom. I will put lots of plants and flowers in there, and get it cleaned up from the winter mess.

Some things I enjoy:
A warm Spring day
the smell of fresh cut grass
the sound of the cows and horses eating their corn
chocolate fudge brownies
Aaron Copeland music
being organized
a clean house
free time to relax
time with Chip
riding Rusty when he is being good
Ron Perlman
a sense of accomplishment

Just had to run out and help Chip pull Kiki out of the pond. Dummy somehow walked into it and sat down in it. Thank God it's not too deep. These animals are really testing my patience these days. But they are our old friends and we have pledged to love and care for them. There is a Pedigree dog food commercial that just kills me every time I see it. It's a bunch of dogs in a shelter saying how they don't know how they got there, but they know they are good dogs. Pedigree is helping shelter dogs find homes. God Bless them.

Think I will go and relax for a while before bed. I have to think of some interesting things to write about ( not that anyone else reads this anyway) . If anyone is, then to you I say Peace and Happiness to you!