A New Year, A Very Happy New Year

Here we are, the end of a year, the beginning of a year. Why does this day bring so much reminiscing and sentimentality? Is it not just another day? We like it because we view it as a new beginning. A starting point. Out with the old and in with the new. A push in the right direction. A clean slate. Remember how you would get a new notebook or journal and be so excited for all the new and wonderful things you were going to fill it with, yet at the same time afraid to begin to write on those pretty, clean pages? Each day is a new beginning, a chance to get it right this time. We needn't wait on any one particular day on the calendar. But somehow, this one day is the day that calls for our greatest efforts at change. Let this be the one that is the beginning of the most wonderful, happiest year so far, and let them only get better and happier each year that goes by.

A blessing for the animals:

Dear Father hear and bless
Thy beasts and singing birds
and guard with tenderness
all things that have no words

Good bye to old friends, may we meet again someday

A welcome to new friends. Kindred spirits. May we give one another the things we need, with love, understanding and patience.

A thank you to the angels ( otherworldly, human and animal ) for your assistance and care. I love and appreciate you all.

God, please help me to find my way and do that which I was put here to do. Let my relationships with those I love become even stronger and more fulfilling than ever before. Allow me to grow wiser and kinder, happier and more joyous. Help me find the drive to go, do, and be all the wonderful things I dream of ( and those I have not yet imagined ) and to help make a positive difference in the lives of others. Let patience and wisdom guide me in difficult times, knowing that the good times are just ahead. Let me be special and loved by others. Let me matter. Let me give of myself gladly, and get back what I need in return. Help me to let my dearest and truest friends know their value. Bless us and watch over us all. Amen.

I came across a beautiful blog yesterday. Written by such a beautiful soul. If you are reading this, you know who you are:) This persons words touch me. Did fate bring me to click on her blog? Is it one of those things like the Universe is saying, " Hey, you! Look, there is a person in a whole other country who shares the same feelings as you. You are not alone."? I choose to believe so.

I will be leaving some things behind in the old year. The hurt over the happenings at the bank. The obsessive dreams of becoming an actress. ( I figured that one out. Its not the matter of being a famous actress, but rather what it represents.) The need to change the world. We had Gandhi, Mother Theresa, MLK Jr., and so many others. I can only hope to do my work on a much smaller scale. The dream of meeting Ron. Maybe I will someday, but I seriously doubt that I would make such an impression on him that he would like to call me a friend.

So there. We are purged. The new year is upon us and I am ready to go. No more feeling sorry for myself and feeling inadequate. I am smart, strong and capable. I will find the perfect job. I will be happy, content. I will make a happy home for my loved ones and take care of them and give my all to them. I will try to bring smiles to the faces of all I come in contact with. I will try to be an example of goodness.

A toast:
To old friends, you are missed and never forgotten. Come back to us soon.
To new friends, may you always know joy and happiness. Let our friendship grow.
To friends as yet unknown, we eagerly await you. Come, share with us.
To all the world, Peace, love, joy and hope. We are all connected.

My love to you all. Please all be careful out there. Love and respect one another, care for each other, look out for one another. Be happy. Be wise. Be Love.

Happy New Year!!!

SIGNS

The strangest and most awesome thing happened to me Thursday. Well, in retrospect it really wasn't all that exciting to anyone but me, but I took it as a wonderful sign. Of course, I was pondering the meaning of it all on Tuesday and Wednesday and feeling quite sorry for myself. So I go to the store on Thursday, still feeling small and insignificant, useless and unimportant. I look down and there is a dime. It is sitting in a crack so it is like standing up on its side. A Sign!! A good one, by the way. I have read that angels use dimes to let you know that they are there, that you are loved, that all is well. My heart lifted as I entered the store and did my shopping. I ended up in the checkout line of the cashier that I really can't stand. She stops to chat to all her friends and doesn't pay any attention to the fact that there are other people in the world. Oh, No! But I figured that my sign had made my day so I would tough it out and not let her annoy me as she chatted with the customer in front of me. The customer declared that she should have been writing out her check instead of chatting and the cashier said "Oh, it doesn't matter, I'm here all day." And the customer ( bless her heart ) said, but the lady behind me is having to wait and looked at me with a smile. I smiled back gratefully. As she was bagging her groceries and I was bagging mine, she wished the cashier a healthy, happy New Year and then she walked over to me and like touched my arm and said " And You have a happy and healthy New Year!". I was flabbergasted. I thanked her and wished her the same . You can't even imagine what that whole thing meant to me. A total stranger being kind to me and after finding the dime and all. It was to me a very powerful sign that maybe, just maybe, the Universe does care about me. I spent the rest of the day in a thankful state, alternating between smiles and tears of happiness. So , I wanted to write about this right away, but this is the first chance I have had. It is one of those things that you don't want to forget.

So, Thank You to the Angels, and to the lady ( whom I also consider to be an Angel ) for giving me hope again. Bless you. And a very happy and healthy New Year to you, too!

Year in Review

What a year this has been. It really should have been one of the most wonderful and accomplished years I have ever had, but really didn't pan out that way. Instead of really forging forward and doing something that I have really wanted, I have been stuck. That doesn't mean that some good things didn't come out of this year, or that I haven't gotten any good things accomplished, but it sure seems wasted to me. I gave up a lot of dreams, and still haven't quite recovered from all the crap. I was trying to be all philosophical and find my soul purpose, something that I was meant to do and was good at. A calling. A way to help others. Yeah, that didn't happen. Brandy died. That still hurts. I still haven't found a job and I am terrified to get one anyway in case it turns out like the bank. What happened to all my dreams and aspirations? Who am I anyway? I used to feel like I at least had a chance, but this whole year I have felt useless and unworthy. I have tried to be a good person. I don't lie, cheat, steal, try to deliberately hurt people. But you know what?? The world has really crapped on me this year.

Ok enough of my little pity party. No one cares anyway. I just feel so alone when it comes to all of the good intentions in my heart and none are materializing. Face it... I am just plain stuck. It would be wonderful to have a friend to discuss these things with. After all, I am not always a downer, I'm pretty fun to be with sometimes.

Now, the good things that happened: Went to school, got all my certifications. Lost 10 pounds. Raised Brodie. Wrote some stories. Started this Blog. Lots of little things.

It is all about the big picture. I know I can't have my dream of acting...and I'm not sure that I could do all the hard work involved if I could have that dream. I belong here, on the farm. My place is caring for my husband and our animal friends.

Will I ever meet Ron Perlman? I admire him so much and he is my idol and one of the reasons that I wanted to act so much. Who knows. That is yet to be determined.

Will I get unstuck and find my way? This path has been long and hard for me. I have wanted to run away many times. Have I truly given up though? NO! I read somewhere that sometimes roadblocks are actually part of the right path. They are the Universes way of helping you to slow down and find the clarity that you need to continue. I am beginning to sound like a broken record, but I will keep plodding along.

Hopefully, the coming year will be full of joy and accomplishments, health and happiness, success and love..not just for me and mine, but for you and yours as well.

RON PERLMAN

Pat sent me a couple of dvd's with Ron's interviews from way back and I am in heaven! It is so great to be able to watch all of these old interviews and see Ron as himself and learn some things about him. I am only watching a few at a time so as to make them last as long as possible. They are fantastic! And this goes a long way toward my collection. If it weren't for Pat I never would have seen these interviews. Pat, you are such a wonderful person!!! You deserve the very best of everything for all you do!
There was a hilarious one of Ron at a comedy show and he and a friend impersonated Sean Connery. This was so funny to me because I ask Chip to do Connery all the time " I've lost me socks, Moneypenny..." and it just makes me roll.

Speaking of Chip, he went to his company's Christmas "party" today and they had a real good time. He got a nice bonus check and a ham and box of candy so we are set for the weekend. Mike also showed them a hysterical video of two chimps in a bar telling a joke that had them all crying with laughter. Chip was so excited when he got home that we had to look it up so I could see it. It was very funny!

So, it has been a rainy last two days and kind of dreary and I have mainly stayed in except to feed the cows and horses so I sat down to figure out the taxes. I can only estimate since we don't have our forms yet and it is not the end of the year so we may have more expenses, but I think I got it pretty close and since I am not working (!) Chip will get all of his taxes back this year. We will get the savers credit for IRA contributions, and education credit for my school, so that wipes out all the tax obligations left after the farm income and loss and regular wages. Sweet.

I can do all kinds of things. Just need to find my niche and settle in. After the holidays I am going to really kick butt and look for a job again. I kind of stopped the last couple of weeks because of Christmas. Also, am losing weight and looking better. My chaps almost fit again! And on that note, there is a piece of chocolate and a glass of wine calling my name...

Love, Cindy

It's A Wonderful Life

So many great things have happened this week. Today was tops, the calves sold. First, let me back up to the weekend...

Saturday: John and the girls came over. We had gone to Tractor Supply to get some gates in anticipation of the upcoming calf rodeo and the cousins were waiting for us when we got home. They brought a new little girl along, Kaitlyn. While the girls and I were visiting, the cop from down the street came over and told Chip that our horses were in his yard. We drove over there and they weren't our horses. These were young horses. The cop was not sure what to do so he called around to see if anyone else knew whose they were and we were going to leave when the horses started to gallop back toward the road and we decided to stay and try to catch them. They pretty much came right to Chip and me and we got halters on them and the cop and his wife took pictures and it was a nice little visit. After a while I told him I would take the horses back to the farm where they would be safe and fenced in and the owners could just find us. So we led the horses over to the property line and let down the fence and took them home with us. The officer was very thankful. Horse mommy came by a few hours later to collect her kids and we walked them home. So anyway - good Karma was borne.

Sunday we spent the day preparing the barn for the loading of the calves. It was an absolutely beautiful day, sunny and warm, one of those days you have to remember because they are so phenominal. It was peaceful and wonderful and I felt so blessed to be alive. We were able to get the rest of the small calves in the barn with no problems and go the gates all ready. I sat out in the lot with the calves and they all took turns sneaking up to me and licking me and pulling on my clothes. Sweet babies. I felt really accomplished- all my chores were done, the house was clean, nothing hanging over my head. When I got home I took a shower and relaxed and read Emma, by Jane Austin. Wonderful day. Do NOT forget this day, Cin, it is proof that life is good and that you are doing your dream work.

So, the whole weekend was very nice and peaceful and gave me a feeling of great joy.

Today we loaded the calves very easily. Our system that we worked out on the weekend worked perfectly. The babies stepped right into the trailer with very little prodding and away they went in about 15 minutes. I got to hug Brodie and say some words and they were off to their new home. Blessings to you all, my little ones. Safe journey. And when you are ready, come back to us again.

We went Christmas shopping after and got all of Syd's gifts so we are finished. It was nice shopping with Chip and it went really well.

Lessons I learned this weekend:

Life is meaningful. There is so much joy out there when you recognize it and allow it to come into your heart. Look beyond the ordinary and see that what is behind the curtain is extraordinary.

Love to all,

Ron Stuff

Today I won a Beauty and the Beast newspaper off E-Bay. It is French and looks really cool. I can't wait to get it and have a look and try to translate it. Have actually picked up a little French along the way, so that is an accomplishment.

Went shopping today at Northgate. It is hard to believe that only two weeks til Christmas and there really is not that much traffic out there. Of course it was a Friday morning, but still. I remember when I worked at Service Merchandise that you couldn't even get in or out of the parking lot, or down Colerain Avenue by this time of the year. What a mess it was. I guess that internet shopping has really decreased consumerism at retail stores. No wonder so many are going out of business. I still prefer to look at and touch an item that I am considering. But must admit, shopping online is sooo easy. You really just have to know exactly what you want. It's funny, but on one hand it doesn't seem like the Holidays because it isn't all trafficky and wild, and on the other, it is much nicer and calmer. I used to dislike the Holidays when I worked at Service because it was so crazy and stressful. I still have dreams on occasion of being in cash office and not being able to get the deposit done. But that is a chapter of my life long closed and put behind me. I was well liked and respected there, and really accomplished a lot. I grew a lot at that job, and consequently, after I left. The freedom of being unemployed for the first time in my life was so uplifting and I feel that I really found myself on that little sabbatical. I became a much kinder, gentler person, less stressed and frantic. I am so grateful for that time. It is also when I became more independent and strong. Remember, I banded the calves all by myself, and we got my tractor so I could help out with the hay. I spent so much time with the animals and really got to be one with nature. All of these things helped me to be who I am now.

Am listening to Copelands Billy the Kid right now. Copeland is fantastic. You can just sit back and listen and envision the dances and rodeos going on right along with the music. I believe that Copeland is the genius of modern classical music. And with Leonard Bernstein conducting it is as religious a musical experience as mortal man can have.

The calves will be going bye bye on Tuesday and I want to get some pictures of Brodie before he goes. He really became special to me and I know that I will miss him. Any body that shows me affection is special to me. I am enjoying taming the little ones ( well, not so little-they weigh over 700 pounds, most of them) and they follow me all over the paddock. There are some real personalities out there. Like the horned steer, who is the leader. And the little buff steer who follows him everywhere, doesn't make a move without him. And the really curious funny faced heifer, who tries to sneak up on me and poke me with her nose, then runs off bucking happily.

Ron Perlman is probably back to filming Outlander now. I have this fantasy that he will come driving down my road looking for a place to film a movie and think the farm is perfect and come and get me and think I am perfect to star in his movie with him. Hee Hee. I'm just still so full of myself from dealing with the "big dogs" this week and knowing that we have really great, quality calves.

Ah, Appalachian Spring is playing now. I have plans for a movie of the farm with that piece as the soundtrack. My script is complete. Just need the equipment and we could do it. If you have never listened to Aaron Copeland's Appalachian Spring, I strongly encourage you to do so. Sit back and just let it sink into you. You will "see" the sunrise, the thunderstorm, the beautiful rolling hills and pastures.

Until next time, my friends

SOLD!!

Today was a good day for the most part. I sold the calves and made what I consider to be a great deal. The buyer was a guy who buys and sells all over the country and I am so pleased that he told me that our calves are really nice, good calves. He even told me that a buyer wanted only the best, nice, black heifers, and he would have taken mine for that group. Wow! After all our hard work, it is so flattering to know that we really have something special.



A real nice heifer!



I kind of like doing the deals and feeling like a real farmer. If I could do it for a living (full time) I would. ---- Remember that Cin, when you get all frustrated with them and the weather and all the other farmy hardships.

Shadow kind of has me a little worried. He has been going off by himself a lot lately, and he is laying down flat out a lot. Maybe he is just napping in the sun, but it is odd behavior for him. It may just be time. I had a talk with him about what a great friend he has been and about how he has brought so much happiness to so many people. Green Pastures await him at the end of his journey. But he is welcome to stay for as long as he wants- it is all on his terms.

I submitted an essay to a local paper a few days ago. Haven't heard back. Maybe I should write some more.

So all-in-all it was an exciting day for me. I feel very accomplished.

There is going to be a meteor shower on the 13th. I will try to observe. Love those things! One of my fondest memories is when my Dad and I went out to watch a meteor shower one summer night. It is one of the only things we ever did together. We are much closer now that we are both older and wiser. He admits that he needs my help, and I don't mind one bit obliging. One of my dreams is to be an advocate for the elderly. If I just got off my butt and researched into ways I could do that, maybe I could make some kind of difference.

Getting really tired so I think I will go. Oh! I didn't mention Ron Perlman in this post. Pat is sending me a dvd of some of his interviews! I am so excited! I have to get her copy of PRO LIFE mailed out to her.

Until next time,

Ciao

Rain, Rain Go Away!

It has been raining A LOT the last couple of days, which really stinks because we put the calves in the front paddock and it was nice and dry, and now it is a sea of mud. I go out there to feed and slog around, trying not to fall over. Hopefully Leonard will offer us a good price and come and get them soon. He should be here sometime today to look at them. I went to the sale barn Wednesday to see what they were going for and met a new friend. It is sooo lonely, not having a job!

This holiday weekend was so busy. The best was Sunday when Prudy and Sydney came over and Syd was so happy. She got to ride Ringer "all by herself". Then she helped me feed the cows and while the bull was eating, she petted him and hand fed him. That tickled her so much that I took her in there and put her on his back. She was so impressed with herself!

RON PERLMAN: Saw PRO-LIFE on Masters Of Horror. Ron was his usual fantastic self, especially working with such controversial material. But the show was a bit disappointing in as much as it did not allow for character development, or give us any facts about the plot. Perhaps if JC had another hour to expand on, there would not have been so many holes. Personally, it created an opportunity to have a great discussion with my parents on the subject. They taped it for me and I am going to send a copy to Pat.

I still have the dream of meeting Ron Perlman someday. Still searching for my purpose. I really wonder what significance Ron has in my lifequest. I mean, there is a very distinct pull there for me. The Universe had plans for me, whether they are grand and supreme (like changing other peoples lives for the better), or just me being a good, happy person going about my business and taking care of others and making them happy. And especially because of my life dream of becoming an actress, I wonder if Ron has some (if only symbolic) purpose for me. Remember, I have given up the hope that I will become a famous actor. But, I have been reading some fantastic books on finding your purpose and they have given me some insight. For the record, they are:
101 Exercises for the Soul by Bernie S. Siegel
48 Days to the Work You Love by Dan Miller
Now What? 90 days to a New Life Direction by Laura Berman Fortgang

I recommend these books to anyone who is looking to better their lives ( and who isn't?) Thankfully, I have a wonderful life. I have a wonderful, supportive husband. We are in fairly good health. We are caretakers of a wonderful piece of land and lots of wonderful creatures. Financially we are doing ok (me getting a good job would be really nice, though). These are all things I dreamed of having in my life. How could I ask for more?

Had a dream about Brandy the other night. It was so strange. I am tearing up now as I write this. We were in the bedroom and she was standing there on the sheepskin rug in the place where she always slept. I glanced at her and then realized that she was there. " Brandy, is that really you? You're not supposed to be here, you're dead." I looked at Chip and said " do you see that?" and he did and we bent down to pet her and she rolled over on her back and gave us her belly and we rubbed it and it was sooo real. Then I woke up. I choose to believe that she visited me that night in my dreams to say hello. Oh Bran, I miss you so. Be well, old friend, and come back soon.

Blessings to all