Year in Review

What a year this has been. It really should have been one of the most wonderful and accomplished years I have ever had, but really didn't pan out that way. Instead of really forging forward and doing something that I have really wanted, I have been stuck. That doesn't mean that some good things didn't come out of this year, or that I haven't gotten any good things accomplished, but it sure seems wasted to me. I gave up a lot of dreams, and still haven't quite recovered from all the crap. I was trying to be all philosophical and find my soul purpose, something that I was meant to do and was good at. A calling. A way to help others. Yeah, that didn't happen. Brandy died. That still hurts. I still haven't found a job and I am terrified to get one anyway in case it turns out like the bank. What happened to all my dreams and aspirations? Who am I anyway? I used to feel like I at least had a chance, but this whole year I have felt useless and unworthy. I have tried to be a good person. I don't lie, cheat, steal, try to deliberately hurt people. But you know what?? The world has really crapped on me this year.

Ok enough of my little pity party. No one cares anyway. I just feel so alone when it comes to all of the good intentions in my heart and none are materializing. Face it... I am just plain stuck. It would be wonderful to have a friend to discuss these things with. After all, I am not always a downer, I'm pretty fun to be with sometimes.

Now, the good things that happened: Went to school, got all my certifications. Lost 10 pounds. Raised Brodie. Wrote some stories. Started this Blog. Lots of little things.

It is all about the big picture. I know I can't have my dream of acting...and I'm not sure that I could do all the hard work involved if I could have that dream. I belong here, on the farm. My place is caring for my husband and our animal friends.

Will I ever meet Ron Perlman? I admire him so much and he is my idol and one of the reasons that I wanted to act so much. Who knows. That is yet to be determined.

Will I get unstuck and find my way? This path has been long and hard for me. I have wanted to run away many times. Have I truly given up though? NO! I read somewhere that sometimes roadblocks are actually part of the right path. They are the Universes way of helping you to slow down and find the clarity that you need to continue. I am beginning to sound like a broken record, but I will keep plodding along.

Hopefully, the coming year will be full of joy and accomplishments, health and happiness, success and love..not just for me and mine, but for you and yours as well.