A New Me

It has been a few days since I have been able to blog. I have the time now because Chip is watching his "talking heads" shows , and I can't stand them. A lot of interesting things (to me) have happened this week, mostly in the way of random acts of kindness. Strangely, the other day I was standing in line at the deli and a woman came up and struck up a conversation with me. I felt compelled to mention the farm and she said "oh, my god! We have a farm too!" She asked me about raising cattle and other stuff because they just got the land and are thinking about what to do on it. She said she really wants cows. So we chatted for a few minutes and wished each other luck and I left feeling very happy with myself. I had made a connection with another person, however brief, and it felt real good. Seems like my "signs" are all appearing at the grocery store.

Then, I went to rent some videos and the video stores system had deleted a bunch of peoples accounts. They also changed the terms and pricing and I wasn't too happy, so I was just going to leave and switch to another store when the manager said he would let me take the movies for free if I would just think about not leaving them. I told him he saved a customer. I also told him I was a customer service consultant, and asked if I could use his name in an article I was going to write. That made him happy.

Raka had recommended a book called the Alchemist. I got it and read it in one sitting-didn't even put it down, it was that good. Well, it had real meaning to me. Raka has been a real blessing to me. In just two weeks, I feel like I have known her forever (maybe I have). I am learning about her country so I can know her better. For her age she is such a wise person, and her heart is as big as the sky. I eagerly await her e-mails and pictures and feel like I have found a missing piece of my being in her.

On Monday my parents terrified me when they did not come home when I thought they should. My dad had to get his arm declotted and then go for dialysis and mom said she would call me to come and get them if it got dark out. Also, the last time he got declotted he ended up in the hospital due to complications and so I was really concerned that something had gone wrong. When they did not call and still weren't home by 9:30 I started to call the hospitals thinking they were in a ditch somewhere. Then she calls about 10:00 like nothing is wrong and I let her have it. She owes me a hair coloring for all the grey hairs she gave me. The parents have become the child.

I have applied for a job at an animal clinic. We have gone to the second step and now I am waiting to see if they call me. I'm unsure if I really want to work near the animals for fear that I will become too attached. For instance, I could not work at a shelter because I would have to bring them all home. I decided I didn't want to be a vet because I couldn't stand to lose them. I just keep remembering Dr. Frederick standing there looking helpless with tears streaming down his cheeks because he couldn't save Champ for me, and that is when I decided that I could not go through that for a living. Oh, how I want to help them and save them, but I fear that I am too sensitive and it would destroy the part of me that loves them so much. So anyway, this job would be as office manager, so I wouldn't have contact with the animals, and it is a spay and neuter clinic, so that is not too bad. But god help us all if anyone should try to give away puppies there! After all, I am waiting for Brandy to return.

Pat e-mailed me the other day and said she liked my story about Josiah. I hope she really meant it because I had so much fun writing it. It makes me feel good to know that someone else can get joy out of it too. The writing thing just keeps jumping back in there, but for now I feel very calm and centered about it and am taking it slowly (not like the acting thing!!). I need to read up on the art of writing and get some sense of what I want to do before I actually get started. I do not want to burn out like I did with acting.

What is my purpose?? Well, this year I feel that much closer to the answer. There is no silent desperation here at present, like I am slowly moving along the correct path after my near year-long detour. And anyway, its all about the journey, isn't it? Some of the path is hard, but I have learned a great deal about myself along the way. When you look at it that way, even the bumps I had to encounter weren't so bad after all.

Some things I would love to do:

Be a personal organizer
Write short stories and magazine articles
Teach finances to people
Work with the elderly

I would say also work with horses, say, as a professional rider. Chip got to live his dream doing that. He worked for a famous movie producer and director as farm manager. But that was his dream. I will have to find something else.

Getting late, best leave my ramblings and go do something else. Y'all come back now, hear?