Becoming Grounded

Been walking the place for the last few days and boy does it make a difference. After the hideous last two weeks I had at work, it is nice to be back. People couldnt have been more nasty and hateful and I came home in tears many nights ( remember I am a marshmallow ) . But lo and behold things have turned and the monkey has jumped off my back. And walking the place really grounds me and gets me back in synch with nature. Strange, but Rusty's presence is gone. There is actually a void. I was really hoping for some kind of sign from him, to let me know he is ok.

Almost time to start planting again. I have a lot of seeds for a moonlight garden which I think will be nice. Also I want to get Brandy's garden really nice this year. Not much more to say. How I met Your Mother comes on soon, and I really like that show. So I think I will go and get a shower and relax. This week should be warm and dry so maybe I will get a lot done in the yard.

Peace to all

Contentment

Karen

Old Stone Farmhouses,
Walking along dry creek beds
Stopping to admire a rock, the limestone lining the banks
Talking non stop about everything, nothing
Being together in comforting silence

Sharing hopes and dreams
Our ideals comparing
we are two different beings,
yet the same


Horses, grazing in the summer sun
dogs running at our sides
cattle lowing gently to their calves
We walk the place
two friends

No one understands more
laughs along louder
offers her shoulder, her ears
her heart

No one means more to me
No one shares more with me
She is the friend I have prayed for
I pray that I can be all she needs in a friend too
Soul sisters

Love ya, my friend.

Mad at the World

Thats right, so mad as a matter of fact that I really cant blog about it right now. I have already vented to my best bud Karen, and the steam is dissipating a bit, but I could smack someone (or quite a few someones, actually). Is it not bad enough that I have suffered with the stomach flu since Sunday and have spent more time in the bathroom in the last 4 days than I have all year? Well, it is all about work again, as always. I dont know whats wrong with me. I try to mind my own business and do my job well, and the bitches just pick at me anyway. Where is the justice in all that? I haven't done anything to them, and I AM doing my job, yet they are complaining and criticising and picking and now matter how much I try to avoid them and their drama, boom! they drag me in. Where is Karma? Here I have been trying to be all Taoist, and peaceful, and the universe seems to be shitting on me. Seems like the kinder, gentler Cindy is not working out. It is just causing people to see me as weak and to pick on me. So I guess since that is not working I best try a new strategy and start sticking up for myself. Problem is, how can I do this at work? First time I get nasty back at one of those harpes, for sure it will be me that gets into trouble. Seems like some of them are untouchable and can do and say anything and not have a care in the world. Let me complain and Oh-My-God, the world is at an end. Ok, so the world is not fair. And instead of feeling so hurt and frustrated over it I need to realize that there is nothing I can do about it and just accept it and let it go. I cant stop them from bugging me, so I just have to protect myself as best I can and become immune to it. I still have to have faith that the Universe will protect me and justice will be done, but it is really hard based on the things that happened today. It seemed like no matter what I said ( and it was the truth) it was obvious that they were doubtful that I was being honest. And nothing pisses me off more than having my integrity questioned. Jennifer actually (Oh no she di-int ! ) said she thought I came to her with my problem because I wanted to run and give her my side of the story before the evil KB told on me. How insulting is that? And even though I stated several times that that was not the case, she just shrugged her shoulders like she didn't believe me and didn't care. So what do you think about that?? See why I feel like I have been deserted by all that is good and fair? Ok, I have a great personal life. I mean besides the old dogs peeing up the place and keeping us up all night to be let out AFTER they have already peed, etc, etc. But really, except for work, life is great. Do you think that things will calm down and justice will prevail and I will be recognized for my strong work ethic and the bitches will either leave me alone or spontaneously combust? Time for a new attitude. Jennifer said she does not keep a score card. So I will keep one of my own. And we are not given performance reviews, or raises based on merit, so what am I concerned with anyway? Just so I am confident, thats all I can count on. And if I stop counting on people and giving them credit and respect, then I won't be so disappointed when things dont go fairly.
Anybody have a spell to banish bitches??

Rememberings

Since I haven't blogged in, like, forever, now I will probably post more often. I am lying on my bed right now and it is in the 70's outside. The breeze is blowing through the window and the curtains are billowing. It smells fresh and green outside. Last weekend I got the house all clean and the patio washed down so it feels pretty good in here. 'Bout time. Chip and I have been taking Annie for walks around the pasture each evening and that is really nice for all of us. Tonight I said that I was glad we were having this great weather and that we need to remember this because the Winter was so bad this year that I was ready to pack up and move. But with this wonderful warm breeze coming through my window, those awful winter days seem so far away now.



Forgot to mention another great recent memory of Rusty: when Karen came over and we gave him a bath and he was such a fart because it felt so good. And then when we went to put him back in the pasture, he took off with me still holding the lead and pulled me halfway across the pasture. Funny, funny, boy. Hmmm.



Well, I have discovered how uncomfortable it is to lay on the bed and type, my shoulders are killing me.



Hellboy II is coming soon and I am really looking forward to it. I have been so pre-occupied lately that I haven't had much time for Ron Perlman stuff. Bad fan! But I do still love him. His birthday is in a few days. Happy Birthday, Ronnie.

So time to go fix dinner and enjoy this wonderful evening. I am planning a moonlight garden to place next to the patio so at night the flowers will glow in the moon light and smell wonderful. Isn't it amazing what a few nice days can to to improve ones mood and outlook? Peace and love to all.

Good Bye Old Friend

Rest in Peace Rusty

We have been friends for a long time, grew up together actually. Twenty Five years. And boy do I have some memories. You lived a good, long life my friend. Thank God you went easy, just lay down and slept. We couldn't have asked for a better way. You will always be a part of me, we have shared so many things, learned a lot from one another. I will never forget our bareback races down the boulevard (what was I thinking!), the day not so long ago when you let Shawna, Shane and me ride you double, bareback and with just a halter. Your hoofbeats echo in my heart. You are loved, you are missed. Green Pastures, my friend.

Better times ahead

Today is the last day of February, and , I am determined, the last day of "Hell". The weather is supposed to get better, the sun is going to shine and it will be warmer. The calf we were bottle feeding has died. How totally dehumanizing to have struggled to keep her alive, and to lose her. But I will not dwell on the negatives. This is the end of a long, hard, cold winter. Today is a new beginning. We are well, strong, healthy, loved, happy, prosperous, and successful. No looking back, only forward.
And with that, I am exhausted. Time to go and read and relax. Tomorrow is a new and wonderful day.

Blessings All

Hell-o

It feels like its been quite a while since I have blogged. Things have been so busy and I just haven't been able to summon the energy to do much more than check email and The Perlman Pages, then off to cook, clean, feed the cows and to bed. Spring has to come soon. Plus, I thought that I was sick in 2006. Well, I was coming close to it here in '08. Today for some reason, I feel better and a lot more energetic, and less depressed. I guess now if I work through my issues at work I will be in pretty good shape if I can keep it up. Just keep it up, Cin. I want to try some yoga and see if that helps.

Karen is having some problems at Northgate too. Seems like things have gotten worse since I have gone and are now coming to a head. But Karen is strong and she can ride this out for as long as she needs to. I wish we lived closer and could see each other more often. She called me Friday night and I was pretty depressed and as soon as we started talking, I felt much better. It feels so good to be needed.

Yesterday was an AWFUL day. Chip had discovered a dead calf in the pasture on Friday and we knew we had to deal with it Saturday, but we werent prepared for what we found when we got there. I walked out to look at the body and the cow was acting really weird so I followed her into the shed where there was another dead calf. Holy crap. So we figured twins. Then we heard some bawling and there was another newborn calf, looking for her mother. So we got them all in the barn and did a head count. Michaela was the live calfs mother so we got them into a stall, but Micky had no milk and baby was hungry. Katie was missing, so I went looking for her while Chip fed. I found her in the woods with another dead newborn calf! Ok, something is very wrong here. These were all full term calfs, big and fully formed looking. So three dead, one live. I was afraid to even hope this one would survive. But we got some colostorum and bottle fed her last night and bedded her down. And miracle of miracles, she was on her feet and bawling up a storm this morning. Chip got her to drink nearly a whole bottle and she was trying to nurse on her mother. She was batting at her bag and sucking at her legs, so she is getting the idea. Now Micky just needs to let her milk down and feed that girl herself.

So we are doing ok for now and hopefully for good. My spirits have lifted and I think I will actually do some stretches today.

So time to go and get this day started. Now lets hope that I can work out this stupid block I have about work, and start ignoring the bad and enjoying the good. Mind over matter...if you don't mind, it don't matter.

Blessings to all.