The Quest For Wisdom

Boy, it certainly is difficult to put your thoughts in writing. As I have mentioned several times, I have these ideas in my head and they seem brilliant, the words like symphanies, but when I go to write them down, phoosh!, they are gone. Maybe they are not meant to be voiced anyway.

It seems that I am realizing some sort of thing in myself that makes me feel calm and centered and wiser. I am actually rationalizing my emotions and telling myself that other people's behaviors cannot affect me if I dont allow them to. Yes, its hard not to get drawn into everyone elses little dramas, but it is a great feeling to know you have avoided them and are more grounded for it. The things "Suzy So-and -So" say to me in the spirit of meanness or aggression, dont affect me in the same way anymore. I realize that she is trying to enforce her own perceived authority and that she is grasping for some psychological reason of her own. Let her be. I am in control of my own thoughts and emotions ( I still need lots of work on that though) and no one has the power to upset me with their words unless I allow them to. It isnt too hard to realize what is going on if you calm your mind and listen to your soul. And of course you are going to meet with lots of opposition and resistance from your less enlightened peers. Because its fun to gossip and complain and its really hard not to join in to the fray and give a piece of your own mind. Ah, but that is my task. I try and fail often, but it is a great feeling when you can walk away from a conversation along those lines without contributing your own poison. If I realize and understand that each person has their own agenda and reasons for their beliefs and feelings, it is easier to know that it is not personal. If they snap at me or try to exert their superiority over me, it is not about me, rather it is their quest. Some will win, some will fail, some wont even care about it or realize that they have a choice. But if you treat me badly because you have a need to be better than me or in a higher or more favored position than me, that is your psyche driving you and has nothing really to do with me. I try not to allow my ego to interfere. This is hard sometimes because it is such a natural, ingrained instinct we are cultivated to believe in. But why , exactly do I need to be better than anyone else? Am I a better person if I have a better title at work, or more authority, or grew up in a better area or live in a nicer house? Does that really mean that I am greater, more loved by the Universe, better than you? No, of course not. We are all equal and we are all connected. You may be the owner of a business and be my boss, but that only means you have chosen a different path than I have, and for reasons of your own. I try not to judge people by their positions and possessions. You may think you are better because you drive a Mercedes, but are you any better of a soul than anyone else who must walk to work each day? It makes some people feel in control and better about themselves if they can belittle others and be the "alpha" figure. If that is what it takes to make them happy, so be it. But we do not have to allow them to make us feel less about our own self worth. Just let them have their ideas, and continue with your own. It is hard sometimes because your ego wants to fight back, to prove your won worth and greatness. Is this really necessary though? Does it make any difference if so and so thinks you are good? Or is it more important what you know about your own self. I have consciously chosen to try ( I emphasize "try") to block my ego from entering the equation. When so and so was announcing how great she is because of her riding ability and background I was really tempted to chime in and profess my own greatness as a way of competing with her, but I didnt (mostly because she wouldnt let anyone get a word in edgewise) and I feel better for it. Oh there I go ......

Love and patience to you all :)